Discouragement and Hope

Its been quite a week. While I've tried to maintain the "positive energy" around our house, the discouragement and emotions I feel about Maguire are very near the surface and sometimes can't help but come out.

There are times when Maguire seems to be happy. I'll look at him and see that spark in his eyes and a smile and feel that he's okay. But then there are other times that I'm looking for something from him, a sign that all is well and from him, I get nothing.

Despite this I try very hard to have hope and look for the positive...

Maguire is not able to stand or walk on his own...Maybe it will just takes some more time for the medications to work.

Despite being such a chow-hound he's not got much of an appetite...Maybe it's just the medications taking away Maguire's love for a meal.

Walking him with the rear-end-sling is really difficult and he almost always collapse onto the ground. I even borrowed a wheelchair for him thinking that would help, and he again tumbled into a heap...Maybe walking with the sling is too much weight shifted to his front-legs and maybe he needs time to get used to the wheelchair.

So what does all this mean? Am I grasping at straws and not seeing what some of you may see so clearly? Right now there's so much uncertainty and the seeds of doubt easily arise about where our journey together is going and I wonder if we are on the right path. There's a huge part of me that's so desperately hanging onto Maguire and doesn't want to let him go, and I wonder if it's time and I should.

But then I remember that when it's time to decide anything the storms of doubt in my heart will be replaced with peace and the answers as to the direction to take will be clear. But for tonight there's no need to think about any of that. Maguire is sleeping near by and we're together; there is calm.

A Peony and an Iris bloomed for the first time today...Where flowers bloom so does hope.