Thursday, October 7, 2010

Another Corner Turned for Old Sam

We've turned yet another corner with Doris's boy, known to us as Old Sam. He had a really restless night. I was up every hour or so with him because he was stumbling around and whining. I kept trying to help him find a place that he would find comfortable but I couldn't. Finally at about 4 o'clock this morning I sat on the floor with him, with his head in my lap, petting him and he finally went to sleep. I have to say, it was a sweet and tender moment with him. It was so quiet and peaceful in the house with the only light coming from small nighttime lamp on the mantel and the only sound was the tinkling coming from the wind chime on the front porch. I stayed there with him for a long time (then my behind started falling asleep) and I went to bed. The other dogs let me sleep until 6:30 and Sam was still fast asleep when I checked on him.

This morning when I let him out, I could see that there was a lot of dark red blood in his urine. He has also refused breakfast and water. I don't know what all of this means but I do know that it means that I can't let him continue to much more, especially if he's in pain.

The old wound in my heart has once again been opened and the lump in my throat has returned because I know that Sam's time is close. I know some of you may think that because I've traveled this road several times, and because I've only had Sam a couple of months that this decision may be an easy one. I can tell you that it's not. I take my responsibility as caretaker of these precious old dogs very seriously, and the choice to let them go, never, ever comes easily or quickly for me.


  1. I'm so sorry. It's been an awful week for dogs in blogworld. I hope that whatever happens, Sam goes peacefully. I know he's surrounded by love.

  2. Love is love and it does not matter if it
    has been for
    20 hours or 20 years . The pain will
    be the same.
    A gentle sigh
    a soft good by
    Love will show the way
    Memories will stay.
    A soft good by with
    a gentle sigh.

    kay lee Kelly

  3. Good luck with such a difficult decision, Kim. You are a good woman to care for these dogs and love them the way you do. I'll be thinking and praying for you and Sam.

  4. Dear old Sam. He is in good hands xx

  5. We feel your pain. It is so hard to let them go, they become a part of our lives so easily. Spoil him in his last moments, let him go knowing you have done all that you can and you have done what you must.

    Remember the veterinarian staff that had to put down Agnes, they fed her their sack lunches, chocolate candy, knowing she would go happy. A pat on the head, a tummy scratch and you must say goodbye.

    Thanks for caring for him and helping him have a few more Golden Moments.

    Mogley G. Retriever

  6. Poor old Sam, so sad but he is fortunate to have your love and devoted care at the end of his life. I can't imagine these decisions are ever easy but, with dogs at least, it is a decision that can be made.

    Sending love to you and Sam.


  7. Kim, I am sure Sam 'knows' how lucky he has been for his time with you. He trusts you and whatever decision you make. What a lovely way for him to move along....with someone who really cares.

  8. (((((((((Kim))))))))) You have given yourself a difficult job. The pain is great when we have to let our oldsters go, and you suffer it many more times than most of us.

    Sam showed you a few days ago that he now knows and accepts your love, when he smiled and greeted you. He knows that you will do your best for him, and give him the gift of a swift and painless passing when the time is right. Maybe that is his gift to you, to know that you reached his heart. As, you reach the heart of all of those who you care for.

  9. I know it NEVER is easy, no matter the number. My heart goes out to you, this is such a hard time. I had hopes that he would get to see his Mommy Doris, just one more time. One could hope this is just an infection, but the writing is on the wall and he is so old. At least he has you, dear Kim.
    I love your dogs as if they were my own kids.....

  10. Dear Kim, I too have fallen in love with old Sam and I sit here now with tears in my eyes. I feel for you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. It is always so hard and I had hoped he and Doris would be able to meet again. That makes this even sadder and I'm sure more difficult for you. Please give old Sam a kiss from me.--Inger

  11. Kim,
    Maybe he just has a kidney infection.
    Poor Sam. I'm sending hugs to you both.
    It breaks my heart that you have to make these decisions.

  12. It is never easy - no matter how many times -

    I have a friend in The Yukon who will be letting two of hers go on Saturday - although she's been through it before, she's asked a group of us to help send strength her way -

    When you say the word, we'll light the candle for guidance -

  13. I'm so sorry Kim. The time Sam has left with you is so special and precious,and I know you will not let him suffer in any way.It's so hard to let them go...I know.
    Sending big hugs.

  14. Kim, I'm sorry to hear this. Poor Sam.

    It never gets any easier, no matter how many times you've travelled down this road. My thoughts are with you.

  15. Wish I could ease this pain for you and Sam. Hugs

  16. Kim,
    I'm sending a long, stron hug to you today!
    Thank you for being there for Sam.

  17. Oh, poor and lucky Sam, and poor and lucky you to have the joy and sadness that come with loving and caring for each other. Thank you for being so brave and generous.

  18. Hey there Kim...
    I often look at Khyra's blog and think what an angel she is with all her transporting of animals between her 'post' and another 'destination'....
    You know,I think of you the same way! Both of you are those special people who do the most important tasks which many of us can't do.
    I understand it's tough...but all I can do is to love you from afar...and to pray that wisdom is always yours.
    Sending lotsaluv

  19. Oh Kim I am so sorry that you have to go through this once again. What a special lady you are to give your heart to these sweet dogs and to make their last days ones filled with love. You, Doris and Sam will be in my thoughts.

  20. Sorry to hear about Sam. Just don't let him suffer. I know you won't.

  21. Oh Bugger. It's awful isn't it & It would break my heart too. I don't know how you cope, like I've said deserve a medal. xxx

  22. Kim;
    You have a special gift to care for Gods creatures. We know how difficult it is time means nothing, when their is care and love involved.
    You and Sam are in our prayers.
    We think so much of you, Thank You

    Sheila & Bob

  23. My heart is breaking as I cry reading your post. Sam is beautiful! And you are beautiful as well... you take such good care of your guys and gals. There's nothing harder than this. Give Sam a hug for me. My son lost his Golden, Kelly last year at around this time. There's nothing harder to watch.

  24. Oh Kim,
    So sorry about Sam.
    We can imagine how hard it must be for you to take in adorable souls like Sam, knowing very well they won't be with you for long...
    But,the world is a better place for them, because of you.
    Hope and pray it will be somehow easy for you and Sam, when the time comes...
    love n hugs n wags,
    Buddy n Ginger

  25. Dear Kim, My heart is breaking for you and there are tears in my eyes. No matter how long a person loves a dog or is loved by a dog, it is never easy. I am lifting you up in prayer my friend. Sam says thank you for all that you have done for him. Big hugs to you today.

  26. I'm so sorry to hear that poor Old Sam isn't doing well. I know what you mean about having to let a pet go, it never gets easier for me either. I do find though, that when they've lived a good, long life I feel more peace letting them go. It's less heartbreaking and more loneliness I feel when they're gone, but I'm also happy for them because I know that they've left feeling that they've lived a long full life and you can be happy about that for Sam. You'll both be in my prayers.

  27. Kim,

    Such a hard thing to have to deal with. You do have strength beyond compassion and I am certain your dogs know it. They trust you to take care of them and to do the right thing for them....


  28. No, it never gets easier to let them go. You will be in my thoughts as you face this challenge.

  29. I can hardly stand it!!! I have tears in my eyes. They tell you when it's time. You'll see it and know but that won't make it any easier. It's better to let them go than to let them suffer. It's not easy but it's best for them...not best for us.

  30. Will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. ♥
    May you and Sam both find peace.

  31. I am sending you and Sam lots of good basset-y vibes. When Callie crossed the bridge someone posted a saying on our blog: Grief truly is the price we pay for love. This is a tough time for everybody and we will be thinking of you in the coming days.

    Lots of slobber (especially to Sam)
    Droopy (and Momma)

  32. It's so wonderful for Sam that he has all of you now. We just want to second everything Mimi said.
    The Road Dogs

  33. It's always such a difficult decision to make. I can't really add anything to what has already been said, but we'll be thinking of you.



  34. We don't think that at all. As their senior guardian angel, you could not possibly be cold and calculated about deciding when it was TIME. These wonderful, but helpless creatures have no idea that there is a saint to guide them to their last and kindest mercy. Their alternative would be to crawl under a tree stump to die a painful death. It’s not easy, but nobody knows better than you about when and how to do it. I don't envy you, but I am in awe of your strength and intelligence; the blessings you possess that allow you to care for these beautiful Golden “Senior” kids.

  35. Oh Kim, we also have fallen in love with Sam,,,, and it has not been long for us. We know how much you love Sam,, we know how much your heart is breaking. We sit beside you, and hold your hands,,.
    This is so overwhelming for you,,
    Kim, we love you,,,

    What Would Sam Say?
    Dear Kim,,,,,
    I know you love me,, and I don't want to make your heart hurt,,
    but I need to thank you for everthing you have done for me.
    If the time is near,,,, please know you did everything you could for me.

  36. Hi Kim,
    I know the pain so well. I feel it with you. I love them so much!!
    I never want to lose them never.
    BUT !!!!
    I miss you Kim!!!!
    xxoo, Bambi & Fern

  37. Poor Sam....but very fortunate, too, because he has you to hold his head when he hurts. We should all be so lucky to be held by loved ones when our time comes.


  38. My heart is breaking for both you and for Sam.

    Yet, when I think about it, Sam WILL be in a better place. At least age and health wise. It's hard to imagine a place where he'll receive better care or more love. Then again... ;-)

    It is YOU who will suffer. You'll mourn the loss of his friendship. You'll probably wonder if you could have done anything more.

    Please know that you will not be mourning alone. You shared the joy of having Sam in your life. We can thank you for that by standing with you and supporting you as you suffer his passing.

    It's too bad people can't have the kind of unselfish love and comfort at the end of their lives that we (thankfully!) are able to give to our animals.

    May God bless you, Kim ~ and bring you peace!

    P.S. I hope you've saved some of his golden locks...

  39. I am so sorry Sam is not doing well. I can see he has a sweet soul. I understand how difficult all this is on you, what I don't understand why such gentle, innocent creatures have to suffer. It is just not fair. A hug for the both of you.

  40. Kim, dear, I so hate to hear you are having to make this decision - but you know that Sam will tell you when the time has come.


  41. Oh Kim
    What a difficult time for you and Sam. I hope & pray that today will bring a better change for Sam.
    Extra licks for Sam from Apples & Neeli.
    Hugs from Nadine

  42. I've been down that road many times and it never gets easier. I'm glad Sam has you to help him thru his last days.

  43. Old Sam. What a sweet love he has been to Doris! These are some tough days, and rings so familiar to us with our Golden Honey. Your kindness and devotion to each one at Golden Pines is tremendous and amazing. Happy/sad tears and tugs at the heart strings thinking about Sam's visit today with Doris.

    Hugs and snaggle-tooth kisses,
    Sierra Rose