Saturday, June 18, 2011

Another Loss At Golden Pines???

To start, I cannot begin to express how much your kind words on the loss of Hamlet have meant to me.  Your remembering Hamlet on your blogs, sending an e-card, and lighting candles for him have left me feeling humbled and grateful to all of you, my friends--You've made a difference and made his loss easier to bear, because you have shared it with me.

Yesterday on the way to the vet with Hamlet I didn't want to listen to the rambling on the radio, so I plugged in my iPod and the song by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole, Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Wonderful World started to play.  I thought it was an appropriate song to listen to.  I replayed it a couple of times and I held Hamlet's paw as I drove and sang along.  Last evening we were standing on the porch after a storm and over my house was a rainbow.
I stood and marveled at the rainbow because I knew that it was a reminder that everything was 'okay' and everything was how it should be.  I said a prayer of thanks for knowing that and felt that inner peace.

~Charlie & Rudi (right)~
The past week as you know has been an emotional one.  One of our dogs, Rudi, who is about 9 years old has always been really sensitive to my moods, when I'm upset she'll be upset as well.  Her refusing to eat during those times is not uncommon.  I'd noticed during the week that she was not quite herself and I attributed it to everything that was happening with Hamlet.  I thought that a fun outing would be good for her (and me) so today I decided to take Rudi with me as I visited a friend over in West Virginia.  Rudi hardly wanted to do anything but lay around.  When she had problems walking up a hill I checked her gums and noticed they were pale and her stomach seemed bloated...I took her to the animal emergency and x-rays were taken and the vet gave his diagnosis of Hemangiosarcoma   and thought that I should let her go because he thought she only had hours to live.  To say that I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach was and is an understatement.  I explained to the vet that I'd just let a dog go the day before and I wasn't ready to do it again.  However he felt that I should because he doesn't think she'll live through tonight.  I took Rudi outside and talked to Carl who had met me there.  Whether it's right or wrong, or selfish of me, I felt I just couldn't go through with it and so I've brought Rudi home.  Her gums remain pale and she's very quiet and I don't think she's in pain.  I'm just praying that she lives through the night and that somewhere and somehow I find the strength and the courage to let her go when it's time.
Just as a caveat I'll add that I know that you don't know Rudi that well.  She came to us in 2003 from a shelter in North Carolina.  We were her 4th home, and she was just over a year old.  Rudi is our undeniable pack leader.  She is very bright, active, sensitive, mischievous, into everything and always acts like she has a secret she wants you to guess.  She is truly a once in a lifetime dog that is one of the cornerstones of our pack Rudi has a way of always making me laugh and her loss will leave a huge hole in our pack and in my heart.  


  1. Oh no -

    That is just wrong -

    Paws and fingers crossed she'll be able to stay longer -

    As for the rainbow, how awesome of Hamlet to send a sign he'd made it -

  2. Oh you dear soul, what life has hit you and your family with this week seems almost unbearable to me.

    I don't often speak as it is Bert that has made so many friends but I want you to know my heart hurts for you.

    Bless you all and bless dear Rudi.

    With love and prayers and many many tears.

    My Vickie

  3. Kim,

    Words fail us, we are so sorry to hear this news.
    We will keep you and your family and Rudi in our prayers.

    Sheila & Bob

  4. I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember something similar happening like this before with you. One good bye and another having health problems. So much. I love that you were holding Hamlet's paw and then saw the rainbow that evening. So very sweet. I know you will get little if any sleep tonight, holding Rudi's paw. i know she is a love, also.
    Cyber hugs and love,

  5. Oh, Kim, I'm so sorry. On an "ordinary day" this would be devastating news, but just a day after Hamlet passed is absolutely awful. I hope Rudi remains comfortable just a little longer...

  6. Kim, this is very sad news indeed. Our collective paws are crossed for a miracle for Rudi. I do remember she was the leader of the pack and has been with you a long time.

    You and everyone at Golden Pines are in our thoughts and prayers.

  7. Dearest Kim,,,
    You must feel that the sky is falling on you.
    This is so not fair. Not for Rudi,, not for you and Carl.
    You have already hurt enough,,
    Again,, I feel helpless that I do not have the right words for you.
    I am so sad for you. I know your heart is broken.
    All of us who love you ,, are circled around you and Rudi,,, with the power of the paws.... sending love..
    how can I help you sweet Kim?

  8. Oh no, so sorry to read this. I hope Rudi has made it through the night, I would have done the same in your shoes and not been rushed into a decision that might be regretted. She looks a real lady and I'm sure you're there for her when the time comes as always, I really don't know how you do it - lots of positive vibes heading your way and a big hug too xxx

  9. With every loss you have gone through you have always managed to come off as positive as one can when suffering from a great loss. How do you do it?

  10. O no !! this is like a dream....not possible to handle look like not real !! it can't !! how do you handle this darling ??......i hate this sort of things in live...too much......wishing you streigth...blessings.....and i will pray for love and more

  11. Hoping Rudi made it through the night, and will hold on a while. Our hearts are heavy for you!

  12. The rainbow sure was a sign of communication from Hamlet. I hope Rudi made it through the won't let her suffer, that's for sure.
    Some sad days at Golden Pines. You and Carl are such special people, with more compassion and love for these animals.... Thank you for being there.

  13. Oh dear Lord...I just know what to say. I am so sorry you're going through this right now.

    Rudi, I am praying VERY hard for you to make it through the night & I pray that you will be back to your normal self again. I know you're a strong girl. You can do it.

    Kim, we used to own a paraplegic cat who would often urinate blood because she got accidentally or intentionally run over by a car at 3 weeks old. She was a stray then. She had a broken spinal chord, broken rib & damaged bladder. Many & I mean MANY Vets have told us to put her down. Non of them had hope for her, non would really help us. But everytime she bled, we would try our very best to stop the bleeding & it has worked everytime. People & Vets just cannot believe she was still alive & thriving. She lived till 7 years old. That's a long time for an internally damaged cat & she lived a VERY good, happy life!

    Anyway, don't give up on Rudi. I'll be praying hard for her & I hope to hear some very good news tomorrow. Take care. Hugs.

  14. Oh, no, we are so sorry. We are thinking of you and willing you much strength.

  15. Woof! Woof! Oh Kim we are so sad to read this post about Rudi. Crossing my Golden Paws for some kind a miracle. We LOVE IZ song too. Sending you Lots of Golden LOVE n Woofs, Sugar

  16. Oh Kim, I am so sorry! I hope that her bleeding internally subsides.....but I know hemangio....and it ain't good....she could linger if the bleeding is intermittent.....or she could go rather rapidly.....I know you will do what is best for her...I support you during this difficult time....

  17. oh no... your dear sweet rudi... prayers for you again. i hope rudi will be comfortable and know how much you love her.

  18. Oh Kim, I'm so very sorry to hear this. I just don't have the words to tell you how much. I will be thinking of you and Rudi today.

  19. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you! The only peace is in knowing Rudi will be romping with Hamlet in a flowerfilled field someplace on the other side. Please know you have my heartfelt sympathies!

  20. We offer our support and our prayers. The pack over the Rainbow must need a strong leader and Rudi is the one chosen. We hope her passing is gentle. We will be watching for a second rainbow to tell us she is safe in her new place.

    Mogley G. Retriever

  21. My heart is breaking for you. I cannot imagine what you're going through... I wish you strength and peace, when you're ready to muster them. In the meantime, I am thinking of you, trying to send you strength from afar.

  22. Kim you are and always will be a remarkable woman. Your home must be one of such love and peace and I cannot think of anywhere a pup would be happier to live out his/her life.
    I keep you in my prayers each day and I will offer a very special prayer to the Lord today that you will be lifted and sustained through this painful time.
    You may not have spoken often of Rudi, but your love for her and her's for you shines through this post. God bless you and yours dear Kim!
    Tina xo

  23. Oh no.

    I am so sorry.

    I lost one to hemangiosarcoma.

    She had a huge tumor, filling up most of her abdomen. They told me "Two months with surgery, and four months with surgery and chemo."

    She was 14! Subject her to major abdominal surgery to get her two months, one of which she would spend recovering from surgery?

    Not a chance.

    I took her home, with antibiotics for the bladder infection that was why we were at the vet in the first place.

    Another vet at the practice suggested piroxicam, which is a powerful anti-inflamatory which can slow down some cancers.

    Sophie's joints LOVED the piroxicam, and she felt pretty good, almost every day, for nearly six months.

    I don't know if piroxicam might help Rudi have some more good time.

    I am thinking about you and your whole family -- this is such a blow, right on top of Hamlet leaving!

  24. Oh Kim, I am so, so sorry to hear this! This is so incredibly sad :o( My thoughts and prayers are with you and Rudi and I completely understand your not being able to let her go right on the spot. May she go to sleep peacefully in her own time.

  25. Oh, Kim. How terribly unfair. Tanner, then Hamlet, and now Rudi. I applaud your decision to bring her home. Difficult as that may have been, I think it is best for you, for Rudi, and for the rest of the pack. All of you have been through such a stressful time and my heart goes out to you in this awful time of grief. I cannot imagine having to deal with so much loss. You must feel drained and empty. Thoughts are with you as you go through this difficult time.

  26. My prayers are with you, and I am sending thoughts of love and strength for all of you.

    Katie in MN

  27. Kim, I think that when the time is right, Rudi will let you know...:)JP

  28. That story should have ended with Hamlet's rainbow letting you know all was ok... but to have to deal with Rudi too. Words fail me. :-(

  29. Oh Kim, this is so unfair. I'll send you an email.

  30. oh dear god. i'm coming to you by way of wilf's blog, and your comment about your sweet hamlet.
    i lost my zeke (a PON) to cancer last september. i will never be over it. my heart goes to you in love and support. the magic of dogs is known only to those who love them. and to love one is to know real life. writing this thru tears for rudi. how much do you have to bear.

  31. Oh Kim, my heart has broken for you...truly! I hope Rudi made it through the night and that you were able to shower him with love and kisses fitting for a king!
    I will pray not only for comfort but for strength to help you make it through these difficult days and remind you that there are more dogs out there that need you! They truly truly need you and your pack...
    hugs to you my friend,,,

  32. This is just horrible and my heart aches for you. Rudi is one of the 'youngsters'!

    I think you made the right decision by not making that decision. If it would have been me I would have second guessed myself forever. When they are ill you are somewhat prepared for that day and what has to be done, but when they are seemingly healthy and suddenly to have to make a snap decision would be beyond what most of us could do.

    Take care, my prayers are with you all.

  33. Oh, Kim!! I'm in tears. Girl, please know that I am lifting you up in prayer and asking God that the peaces that surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your mind.

    So much Golden love,
    Boondocks and Kudzu's mom

  34. Such incredibly bad news ... we ask why ... and there are no answers. Only that we have the joy of them around us as they are here. Our pets give us so much ... I am sure Rudi has had great great love from you but it does not make any of this easier.
    hugs hugs hugs

  35. Kim, I know you will be strong enough to handle this too. This is 'your calling' and there aren't too many like you.
    Rudi sounds like a great individual and I wish him everything that will make his journey peaceful.

  36. Or paws are crossed for Rudi. We are sending you strength and wisdom. And LOTS of love.

  37. Oh Kim, how patently unfair. You and the pups are in my heart and prayers today...

  38. So much heartache......thinking of you.

  39. This is a tough post to read. So sorry about Hamlet. Rest in Peace my friend.
    And, Rudi! She has that spirit, you describe her well. What a beauty. We are thinking of you all.

    Sweet hugs,
    Sierra Rose

  40. Oh Kim - I don't know how you can handle all of this. Sending you and Rudi prayers and thoughts as you go through the next few days. Our hearts are aching for you.

    Nadine & golden Neeli


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