Another Loss At Golden Pines???

To start, I cannot begin to express how much your kind words on the loss of Hamlet have meant to me.  Your remembering Hamlet on your blogs, sending an e-card, and lighting candles for him have left me feeling humbled and grateful to all of you, my friends--You've made a difference and made his loss easier to bear, because you have shared it with me.

Yesterday on the way to the vet with Hamlet I didn't want to listen to the rambling on the radio, so I plugged in my iPod and the song by Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole, Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Wonderful World started to play.  I thought it was an appropriate song to listen to.  I replayed it a couple of times and I held Hamlet's paw as I drove and sang along.  Last evening we were standing on the porch after a storm and over my house was a rainbow.

I stood and marveled at the rainbow because I knew that it was a reminder that everything was 'okay' and everything was how it should be.  I said a prayer of thanks for knowing that and felt that inner peace.

~Charlie & Rudi (right)~

The past week as you know has been an emotional one.  One of our dogs, Rudi, who is about 9 years old has always been really sensitive to my moods, when I'm upset she'll be upset as well.  Her refusing to eat during those times is not uncommon.  I'd noticed during the week that she was not quite herself and I attributed it to everything that was happening with Hamlet.  I thought that a fun outing would be good for her (and me) so today I decided to take Rudi with me as I visited a friend over in West Virginia.  Rudi hardly wanted to do anything but lay around.  When she had problems walking up a hill I checked her gums and noticed they were pale and her stomach seemed bloated...I took her to the animal emergency and x-rays were taken and the vet gave his diagnosis of Hemangiosarcoma   and thought that I should let her go because he thought she only had hours to live.  To say that I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach was and is an understatement.  I explained to the vet that I'd just let a dog go the day before and I wasn't ready to do it again.  However he felt that I should because he doesn't think she'll live through tonight.  I took Rudi outside and talked to Carl who had met me there.  Whether it's right or wrong, or selfish of me, I felt I just couldn't go through with it and so I've brought Rudi home.  Her gums remain pale and she's very quiet and I don't think she's in pain.  I'm just praying that she lives through the night and that somewhere and somehow I find the strength and the courage to let her go when it's time.

Just as a caveat I'll add that I know that you don't know Rudi that well.  She came to us in 2003 from a shelter in North Carolina.  We were her 4th home, and she was just over a year old.  Rudi is our undeniable pack leader.  She is very bright, active, sensitive, mischievous, into everything and always acts like she has a secret she wants you to guess.  She is truly a once in a lifetime dog that is one of the cornerstones of our pack Rudi has a way of always making me laugh and her loss will leave a huge hole in our pack and in my heart.