Thursday, May 31, 2012

It's About Sam

It has been a difficult week with Sam.  The high hopes that I had for the prednisone to make a difference for him has been dashed because it made him very, very sick. We took Sam off of all the medications to give his stomach a break, and have restarted everything again this morning.  The tumor continues to grow and is affecting his eye even more this morning than yesterday.  The picture below was taken on Monday and seeing it today, reminds me of that.  I know that Sam's time with us is nearing its end.  But we all know that sometimes when we think that, it may not be.
With the exception of what I thought was a bit heartless and a callus comment left this morning on my previous post, I have really appreciated all of your very kind, caring thoughts and support you have left for Sam and I. It helps more than you know and makes this burden a little easier to bear knowing that this journey is not being taken alone.  For those of you who think I am a 'strong person' to get through all of this and other losses, thank-you for thinking that, but you don't see me behind the scenes--The truth is, right now I am a 'blubbering mess!'  I don't know how I get through it all, I just know that I will because it's not about me, this time it's about Sam.    Enjoy your Thursday!

54 comments:

jodistone said...

Kim, I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way and I hope the vet will be able to find something that can give Sam some relief.

I would suggest Dr. Landau (www.landauvet.com) who is holistic and has so much knowledge about Chinese Herbs, acupuncture etc. While I know he is some distance away from you I wonder if he would be able to recommend something via e-mail. He was so amazing and the real reason that Delilah got better when she was having her 'spells.'

Whatever you do, I know it will be with Sam's best interest in mind.

Please don't upset yourself by a comment made by a someone not brave enough to sign their name.

JODI

Inger said...

Dearest Kim, Of course you are a blubbering mess at times like this, who wouldn't be. I sit here miles away crying having never even met Sam. Looking at him, I think he knows it is time for him to go over the rainbow bridge.
What makes you strong is the fact that you know this will happen sooner rather than later with the old dogs you adopt. And you don't let that deter you. You take them in, you shower them with love, you give them a wonderful home full of other dogs for them to be with, green grass to roll around in, good food, vet care and on and on. That's where your strength lies. Having just lost my beloved dog and my bird, I don't see how you do it. Sending love and hugs. -- Inger

Bobbi said...

((((HUGS)))) to you and Sam. Said a prayer this morning...

Miriam said...

Such a hard time for you, dear Kim - your sadness at times like this is directly proportional to the care and love and attention you devote to your animals. And your strength, even if you're not feeling it right now, is shown every time you commit to giving another animal the gift of a life surrounded by love and peace. You are my hero, and Sam's hero, too.

Inger said...

I went back and read that anonymous comment and I hope you don't take mine the wrong way. All I meant was that if the medicine doesn't work, Sam knows he has had a good life and he doesn't want you to be sad if it has to come to an end.

Scrappy Pink Corner said...

Kim, you have made me a blubbering mess as well. I am all choked up myself reading this post and now leaving a comment. I seem to always think of my own Roscoe and what mess I will be if something happened to him. I never thought I would love him as much as I do. I have 2 children and love them but Roscoe has given me this comfort and happiness that is just unexplainable.
You are truly a very strong person and this world is Blessed to have you in it. The dogs are very lucky. Sam will go when it is his time and I am sure you and your husband will make him comfortable along the way.
Prayers and a huge hug to you and Sam.
Ana

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

You have been through so much loss. I am sad for you. Damn tumors!!!!

NanaNor's said...

Hi there, Kim I'm so sorry for you and Sam. Still praying for peace and healing. I just can't believe you are walking this journey again so soon. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know.
Love & Hugs, Noreen & Hunter

Val said...

Dear Kim,
Wrapping my arms around you at this difficult time. You and hubby are amazing people by bringing these precious souls into your life and family. I know you will do what is best for Sam and at the right time.
Don't let that comment gets you down. Some people are just....oh, well you know!!
Bless ya

Mogley G. Retriever said...

We wish Sam and his family the very best. Sam has received all that he needed from you, love, a warm home, good meals, a place to run and friends to run with. And maybe a pet and rub from time to time. Oh, and a ball to chase.

Thanks for doing all that you can for Sam and others like him. Thanks for helping him have some wonderful Golden Years. May you all enjoy the time ahead.

Mogley G. Retriever and Bella

Miss Holly said...

Bless you for what you do.....dear beautiful Sam.....just have as many happy moments as possible....lots of peaceful thoughts your way and kisses for sam right on the top of his sweet head.....xxxxx

Angus said...

Sam's a very special old fellow. You know there's a wall of understanding and support for you , and Sam, on this side of the ocean when the time finally comes .

thecrazysheeplady said...

"The more I know people, the more I like my dog ;-)." Hopefully they just didn't realized how it came across. {{{hug}}}

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Anonymous commenters always have all the answers, don't they? They're like hit and run drivers. All we pet lovers who have lost a very much loved pet know when it's time to let go, and it's never based on a smart ass, heartless comment, is it? We all know you will love Sam until the end, and that is how it is for all pet lovers. HUGS to you and Sam.

John Gray said...

I posted the video on my blog today and it made me think of you and sam
xxx

Jill said...

My love, heart and prayers are with you and Sam. I've said it before and I will say it again...all of your dogs are blessed to have you. Your heart is bigger than Texas girl and I so admire what you do!

Anns Art said...

Strength to you Kim. (see what you mean about 'that comment'). You are doing a great job which is obviously SO difficult sometimes. In fact you say about blubbering, but I have been seen to sit here on the laptop with tears rolling down my face and unable to see the screen.

Zona said...

I have been following along on my iPhone but it doesn't allow comments. I just had to get on a real computer today to come lend my support and send you a virtual hug. You are a hero. No matter what you think!! <3

Jill (Zona's Mom)

GOOSE said...

You and Sam are apart of our prayers. And I do think you are strong. Tear, or "blubbering" are not signs of weakness, they are signs of compassion, caring and love. Well that's what I believe. Hugs for all of you.
Blessings,
Goose

ValerieB said...

These times are the hardest, aren't they? To have these lovely creatures in our lives, we have to into a contract; they love us unconditionally for as long as they can and we have to let them go when the time is right. The difficult part for me has always been the second-guessing, but as I've parted with more critters as time goes by, I find trusting my instincts is what helps me to that place. I can tell you have excellent instincts, Kim. Sam is lucky to be with you at this time in his life. He is safe and loved and I'm sure he knows it. I wish you both the very best.

It's me said...

Kisses for you...hugs for poor Sam....love Ria...xxx..

Cottage Tails said...

(((HUGS))))
Love Leanne

Tweedles -- that's me said...

Our sweetest Kim
Your heart has been broken in two so many times from all the pain and sadness that you go through.
I know your heart breaks when you see these sad seniors who need some love and a final place to live thier lives- so you take them in. I know tears run down your face as you just look at them.
And deep inside your heart I know that you already know some do not have much time- yet you take them in to love them unconditionally.
I imagine you are constantly observing each furry in your home always hoping nothing happens to them. You have so much love, and compassion that you cannot say no
when they need homes.
You are a fragile and compssionate flower who bends with the wind. Sometimes you fall down, but we will pick you up and not allow you to be trampled on.
You have every right to feel like you are. You are loving Sam - as he is your child. You are doing what you can- and we are here with you.
We are so sorry that Sam is not getting better.
We are loving you and Carl with all our hearts. We are lovng Sam with all our hearts.
We hold you up--- always remember even Angels bend and cry.
love
tweedles

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Ooh sweet Sam boy, my heart just breaks for you...
Stay strong and live each day you have in the care of Ms. Kim and your fellow furries at Golden Pines, to the fullest.
Run in the fields Sam, smell the flowers, play fetch, you are a very lucky laddie to be so loved.
Hugs dear Kim,
~Jo

TexWisGirl said...

oh, kim. i am sorry. poor sam...

S. J. Q. said...

I read that comment. Obviously they don't know you at all.

I know that you will know when the time comes.

Sending love to Sam.

You too.

Dog Blogging With Luna said...

Well I think it's obvious that you have more supportive friends that not and we all know that you do the very best for the dogs you love and support. Don't let one comment ruin your spirit. :)

Nancy K. said...

I'd say that God knew exactly what he was doing when he placed Sam in your care for his final months. Too bad there isn't any medication to help your breaking heart...

Gentle Hugs to you and Sammy

2browndawgs said...

I feel so sad for all of you.

Joanna said...

You are doing the VERY BEST for dear Sam, and always have done. We, your friends, know how your heart is repeatedly broken when these sweet souls have to go. Keep strong, Kim. Sending you and Sam love and hugs.

x
ps I have set my blog to not accept anonymous comments. If a person won't leave their name I don't want to read what they've got to say. Simple. xxx

Doc said...

My heart and prayers go to Sam and you. I took care of Anonymous for you ....I scooped it up with the rest of the turds and stuffed it in the trash. Without a name you are just another turd.

KB said...

I agree about that comment. Nobody but *you* can possibly know what's right for Sam. 99.99999% of us understand that because we've been in your shoes before in our lives.

I think that you and are on similar trajectories right now. I'm thinking the same thing about K... but, like you, I keep reminding myself that sometimes I've been very wrong and my dogs have rebounded for more quality time. That's what I wish for for you and and Sam.

Take care of yourself, my friend. You're the best dog mom that I can imagine.

Camille said...

Holding you very close in our hearts today. And Doc is so right...stuff that thoughtless comment into the trash with the rest of the unmentionables. The rest of us are right here for you no matter what. (((Hugs)))

Mom of M&Ms said...

The girls and I are praying with all our might.. We want you to know how wonderful we think you are, to be willing to open your heart and home to these wonderful dogs... We wish we were there to photograph these days of you both.... You have blessed us and remind us what true love is!

Hound Girl said...

Sometimes there is nothing you can do except continue to live each day with them and keep loving them and help them cross over. You are so strong, I admire you for taking in the old goldies, I like to think I could take in the old souls but I dont know how I could cope with them only being with me a short time. You are an angel and you do it with such grace. I would love to live close to you so I could be there to support you in the hard times.

Thank you for the kind words about Fred today, I know you have much more experience than I do when it comes to them passing away. I just hope that I can hold it together as well and let people see the fun memories of the loved ones that passed instead of people feeling sorry for me.

scotsmad said...

We know it's all about Sam! May he continue to enjoy the time he has left.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

Mo said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Sam's illness. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Sheila and Bob said...

Thank you for everything you do, Sam's days are filled with love, that's all anyone can ask.


Sheila & Bob

Jim said...

You are in our thoughts Kim and Sam. I know you will do the best for Sam as you do for all your 'family'.

Karine said...

Dear Kim, here I am, waiting on my connecting flight home in Toronto. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and Sam and hope that he feels better soon and that you and he bring each other comfort during this difficult time. You are doing what you think is right for him and that is all that counts!

Anonymous said...

thank you for being there for sam and all the other dogs that you have helped and suported through the years. i always figured you were crying behind the scenes as your words could not be written by someone who remained untouched by your experiences w/ the dogs. my thoughts are w/ you all and when i light the nightly candle in remberence of my current and past members i will hold both you and sam in my heart and thoughts. take care.

Staci at Life At Cobble Hill Farm said...

Hugs from all of us to you and Sam. I just love that second photo. He looks so happy spread out in the grass. Blubbering or not I still think you are very brave and those dogs are so lucky to have you, even if for a short while. My heart goes out to you and Sam.

Sue said...

You're right, it's about Sam. We do what we have to do and then there's plenty of time to fall apart later. With Tsar the vet said the pred works until it doesn't. You'll know when the time has come, Sam will let you know. We're all thinking about you and sending love and strength to you both.
Sue

NCmountainwoman said...

Those of us who have been there know how you can seem strong (and your ARE a strong person) and still become a blubbering mess. The hardest part is knowing when the right time comes.

Your statement "it's not about me, this time it's about Sam" speaks volumes about your wonderful caring nature. Somehow I know Sam will tell you when it's time. And I know you will have the courage to once again make the right decision. You'll be much on my mind good blogger buddy.

Meeka said...

We're thinking of you and hoping Sam has better days.

Jazzi said...

Oh Kim, I would be a mess too. You love Sam and you will do what is best for him when the time is right. God will be with you and keep you strong during this time.

Diana and Jazzi

Bassetmomma said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Sam. I know nothing makes these situations seem easier and like you said, you will get through this for him. I think being a blubbering mess is normal and I can't imagine how your heart must ache. My heart is with you and Sam.

Kari in Vegas said...

sending you good thoughts

Stop on by for a visit
Kari
http://dogisgodinreverse.com

MAXMOM IN SOUTH AFRICA said...

Oh Kim,
I think many of us are blubbering messes as we hear about and share this journey with you. I feel as if I know Sam personally. Hang in there dear doggie-Angel. Sam needs you and we are all here to support you.
With love
MAXMOM IN SOUTH AFRICA

MySpecialDoggies said...

Oh Kim - I'm a mess too reading your post about Sam. You'll know what to do and when for him. Sending you much support and hugs. Thinking of you & Sam

Nadine & golden Neeli

kks said...

love to you and Sam......you give so much love to all your dogs, they are very lucky to have found you!! i support you 100%.......sending positive vibes your way...
xoxo

Julie said...

Thinking of you and Sam and your entire canine and human family. What you do is heroic and you should take comfort in knowing that there are so many dogs who you have helped across the Rainbow Bridge. Praying that Sam's final days and weeks (hopefully) are relatively peaceful and pain-free. Thank you for what you do!

Rocky Creek Scotties and Rocky Creek Ramblings said...

Kim,

You have a heart full of love and that's what makes you a "blubbering mess". I don't know how you do what you do - and then do it all over again. My thoughts and prayers and with you and I'm so thankful that there are people like you who can be there for these dogs in their final days.

XO
Lynn

LindaG said...

God bless and comfort you. *hugs* ♥