Today, I woke up with a heaviness in my heart because it was a day that came much too quickly. It was the day to say good-bye (for now) to Buddy. Even knowing the reality of the situation, I wasn't fully prepared to accept it. This was because I'd hoped that Buddy would get better. But it was not meant to be. It has been a heart-wrenching week watching Buddy not get any better, as we continued to hold onto that thread of hope that the medications and the fluids we were giving him, would somehow work and that his appetite would maybe return. But it never did.
Buddy didn't seem to be in any pain, just uncomfortable. There were moments when I'd see a glimpse of the dog we knew, and he would bark, wag his tail, and walk in happy-circles. Sadly those moments passed too quickly, and the last couple of days, all I saw was a dog that was not feeling well and slipping away. I knew that letting him go would be the kind thing to do.
As I drove to the vet this morning, I listened to music on my iPod and from Les Miserables, "I Dreamed a Dream," played. The line from it that says "there are dreams that cannot be, and storms we cannot weather" are truly the perfect words for Buddy. I had a dream for him that he would find the perfect forever home and have a family all to himself. But it was a dream that was not to be. And the cancer, or the storm, was something that sadly he could not weather.
Tonight, even though the other dogs are here, it seems quieter. I will miss seeing him roll in the yard and always following me into the kitchen, watching me with those hopeful eyes that just knew there was going to be a nibble of something for him and playfully woo-wooing at me and wagging his tail if I was considering not giving him something.
In the children's story book, "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, she writes; "that in Dog Heaven, there are Biscuits and biscuits, as far as the eye can see. ...There are kitty-cat biscuits and squirrel biscuits, Ice-cream biscuits and ham-sandwich biscuits." Buddy was a dog that loved and lived to eat. Not being able to eat anything this past week I know had to be hard for him, I could see that at times he really wanted too. More than anything, I hope that as he arrives at the Rainbow Bridge, free from what kept him from enjoying his meals, he's enjoying those biscuits. I hope he will not forget us. I hope that one day we'll see him again.
God speed "my handsome Air-Bud"... as you are met at the Rainbow Bridge by all those who have gone before you, know that like them, you will be missed and the story of your year with us will not be forgotten. We will always be grateful that we got to know you Buddy, and had you as part of our lives.