After 9 Days - Good-Bye to Buddy

I don't know how to start this post. Other than with a much shorter version of what I wrote to the rescue when I told them that Buddy had passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning. The numbing, gut-punched feeling as I relive the events are consuming because my mind keeps going back to those moments and scrutinizing a timeline and moments that I cannot change. 

There had been nothing that gave us a hint that anything was wrong. It had been a normal and a good day for Buddy. It had ended with his spending time with us in the office, until he got restless around midnight, and I put him into the ex-pen that he was staying in at night. About an hour later, I turned out the lights and said good night to him. I can still hear the sound of his wagging tail as it hit the side of the ex-pen. I remember smiling. Not long after I'd gone to bed I was awakened by what sounded like Buddy scratching at the rug under the bed he was sleeping on, and bumping against the ex-pen. I'd told him "no" and it stopped for just a moment, but started again. I got out of bed, and for whatever reason, I noticed the time of 2:14.

When I turned on the light, I saw that Buddy was having a seizure. I sat with him, and when I thought the seizure would end, it began again. I know time is critical with seizures and I was keeping close track of how much time was passing. I had awakened Carl, and after about 10 minutes, I knew we had to get him to the animal emergency about 20 minutes away. We took turns staying with him as we quickly dressed and we were on our way. A blur of phone calls leaving messages for my contacts at the rescue and a call to the emergency vet along the way - Pleading prayers for safety on our drive to get there, and that Buddy would hang on, as Carl was with him in the back of my van.

The seizures only stopped as we rounded the corner to the animal emergency and as Buddy passed away at 3 AM.

I know the shock and the sting of this day will ease. But today, I've cried and slept for most of it. I'm still in shock and heartbroken because I cannot believe what happened. A reminder from the "logical side" of me and kind friends tell me that I couldn't have done anything differently. In my heart I know that. Maybe having that peace is Buddy's gift to me?

More than anything I wish it would have ended differently for Buddy. But the hopes and dreams I had for him of his finding a forever home was my dream, and not the one that was meant to be. How I wish more than anything that this easy going and always smiling boy could have stayed with us a little longer. How I wish I could have had the chance to get to know him better. How I wish I could do those 9 days with us all over again.

God speed Buddy. You were here for such a short time, and in those 9 short days, you found your very own place in our hearts.You will not be forgotten, and we hope tonight you are finding your way to the rainbow bridge where I hope to see you again.