We did go to church today, but only for me to teach my Sunday school class and then leave. I'm just not been ready to face the world and needed a day at home.
As you know, when we lose one of our four-legged family members, you have a day that becomes a day of firsts. It truly is all part of this whole process called grieving, and this is what this post is.
For me, it's always hard to look for the first time and see where "they" used to always lay.
And then there's the first time you realize that you now have an extra bowl that doesn't need to be filled . It's also sad the first time you don't see them standing in the spot where they used to eat. The first walks for me always take a little getting used to because you're so used to seeing them in their favorite spot in the yard--And you keep looking, expecting to see them there; but the place is empty and oh, so silent.
This morning out of habit I kept looking back to see if I was being followed by a dog that for 2 years was my companion on all of our walks. I think that today Cowboy was there in spirit "bringing in the herd" as I always used to say to him because he was always the last one to come inside. Another "first" was coming home for the first time; the barking from the inside of our house is missing a voice.
Yesterday afternoon the dogs kept coming to me and I just felt like I had nothing to give them, and I thought I wanted to be alone. But I let them in and just as I knew they would, the dogs became a source of comfort and strength.
I know that life does and needs to continue. But I'm thankful that I've been able to shut the world out today. Tomorrow will come, and I'll once again join the human race. I'm feeling the loss, but thankful for those like you who understand and have provided a cyber-shoulder to cry on. Thank-you so very, very much for that, you made a difference for me on "my first day!"
Thank-you Tanner for running off and distracting me on the walk this morning.
Sammy for reminding me that life does and needs to go on. Maguire for knowing that I needed a dog to hug.
And Joshua for jumping on the bed when I was taking a nap. It helped to have you close.
And Charlie for telling me it would be okay.
Thank-you Sheba for understanding when I accidentally left you outside in the rain...
And Wendy for barking when it was mealtime, you helped to distract me.
Hamlet for offering me your paw to hold.
And thank-you Cowboy for being part of our life and our home for 2 years.