I've felt it coming on and this morning I woke up in a somewhat depressed state of mind. I am not entirely sure how or why it has happened. But I had to go to work and I felt like I should just keep going and see what the day brought and maybe I could shake the feeling. It didn't help. This morning at work I felt like I was being painted into a corner and all I could feel was an avalanche of negativity and moody-grouchy patients didn't help. With no patients scheduled after lunch, I asked the doctor if I could leave for the afternoon. I thought that if I could just get away I could focus on trying to lift my mood. I had a few errands to run and I thought that would be a start to figure it all out.
Just as I left the office I decided that today was the day I was going to raid an apple tree across the road from where I work. It's located next to a closed pre-school and the last few weeks I've been noticing that the tree is full of apples. With no one around I decided it would probably be okay to just go and pick them. I realized in looking at the apples that they are overripe and you can see that they are not the best looking apples--I should have gotten them when I first noticed them. I picked a grocery bag full and I think that I'll cut up some for the dogs and feed the rest to the deer. At least they won't be going to waste. There are still a lot more and I think I'll get the rest on Friday.
During my errands I kept mulling over everything that was bothering me. But I realized that trying to sort it all out was like trying to solve a complex math problem while trying to keep myself from drowning at the same time. So I just stopped trying to figure it all out.
Once home I was greeted by the dogs who were happy to see me. We did our afternoon walk and played frisbee. Afterwards we all took a nap. To fit the mood and the direction of they day, I burned the dogs dinner. They didn't complain or act like they even noticed. I appreciated that. Afterwards we sat on the porch and as the sun set, geese were flying over. It was so peaceful and quiet sitting there with the dogs, and as night fell, I realized that things seem a bit brighter.