Sunday, May 12, 2013

Why I've Hated Mother's Day

~My Mom~
Sunday is Mother's Day here in the US, and I hope you don't mind that just for today, I'm deviating from my normal posts and writing about something that's a little more personal to me.

For the past 5 years, I have hated Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2007 and every year since then when spring rolled around and the greeting cards reared their heads, I felt the resentment start to bubble up. “Tell mom how much she really means,” the signs at Hallmark told me. It felt like a mean joke and just another reminder of all I’ve lost.

As an adult, my mother and I were very close. For many years we talked on the phone several times a day, relating the little details of our lives. I knew what she’d had for lunch, what she was watching on TV, and how she was feeling.  She knew those same things about me, right down to which book I was reading and what was upsetting me at work. We had catchphrases and inside jokes we’d repeat and laugh about and we shared very similar opinions on politics and life in general.

The first Mother's Day after she died when I passed by the greeting cards in a store, I thought about buying her one. Maybe, I thought, I could start a tradition of getting her a card every year--a kind of “taking back” of the day. But then I thought about how I’d never actually get to send the cards and how they’d just sit in a drawer somewhere.  Then I thought about how the inside jokes will never change--My mother and I are frozen in time, like the one and only picture I have of us taken together a few years before she died.  So with that, I decided not to get her any cards and just disregard the day.

This year all of that seems to have changed.  Instead what I have is the feeling I had when I would come home late as a teenager and my mother would be in bed, awake and waiting for me to get home.  She couldn’t sleep soundly until she knew my siblings and I were safely home. At the time, we teased her for it, but even then, it was very assuring and comforting.  And in thinking about it, those daily phone calls all the years after I'd left home made me feel the same way.  It's truly what my mother gave me, above everything else, the feeling that she was always there, looking out for me and cheering me on.  I'd like to think that wherever she is now, she's still doing that.  I also think that to know and remember and not doubt that on a day like today, is the best way for me to celebrate Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day to my friends near and far!!  


  1. No doubt she is cheering you on and still looking after you. Wishing you a wonderful day. I know the pack will show you all the love and caring their paws and hearts can give.

  2. I was in Barnes and Noble one day a few years after my mother died. I saw a book with a title indicating we are orphans when our mother dies. It shocked me. But i do understand, because we lose that one person that is always on our side and cares like no one other.
    I think it changes us a little when our mother dies.
    The bible teaches that there will be a resurrection where we will be reunited with our loved ones. Thankfully we all have that hope.
    I concur with Goose. Your babies will continue to show you how loved you are!
    Gus's Mom

  3. *hugs* ♥
    Happy Mother's Day, Kim.

  4. I am sending you hugs Kim. I miss my Mom on Mother's Day too.

  5. My daughter-in-law got a card for me from Stella. It was about how in a perfect world, squirrels would be slower, every meal would be steak and belly rubs would never end and every dog would have a Mom like me. So let me pass that on to you x the number of pups in your house. They are most grateful!

    As for your Mom, you were so very lucky to have such a terrific Mom!


  6. Kim, today I missed my Mum so much more than any other year. The whole Mother's Day is so commercial, and many can forget the real reason behind it, a " Mothering Sunday" when we remember, acknowledge, and show how much we love our Mums.Your heartfelt words will relate to so many of us,we will have tears, look at photos, and remember happier days.And those so fortunate to have their Mums still with them,those familar words " I love you" will say heaps more than the actual words do .Thank you Kim, for your open and honest words, let those in your home give you comfort and love,they will know in that doggie instinct how you need it today more than tomorrow. Fond greetings, Jean.

  7. Hi Kim, I lost my mother in 2009 and still miss her every single day. We too were close and I always felt loved and cherished by her, always. I will never get used to not being able to drop in or phone her and to cherish feeling her dear old arthritic hands holding mine. Thanks for your special post. Love Carol

  8. It's Mother's Day in Oz, too. HER mother died in 2002 and is greatly missed still.

    Her favourite flower was the daisy. That's how I got my name.

    XXXOOO Daisy ( Bella & Roxy)

  9. Kim,Wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a big hug my friend......I feel the same way Father`s Day, sad......Blessings Francine.

  10. Woof! Woof! Oh KIM. Mom can totally relate ... her mom died when she was in her 20's holidays like Mother's Day and Christmas is so hard. Sending you Lots of Golden LOVE. You are a wonderful Mother to all the Goldens you've cared/caring for. Golden Hugs n Kisses. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

  11. Kisses and warm hugs for you on this

  12. Kim
    I understand completely -- my mom will be gone 12 years this month. I am grateful that I can ignore the advertising for the most part We used to read the same books, then talk about the characters. I miss that -- and when I don't feel well, even as a 50 something adult, that is when I want my mom the most.

    Hugs to both of us -- and I'm sure your gang will be giving you lots of love today too

  13. Hugs to you and your loving houseful there and have a wonderful day. I believe, Kim. I know they are watching over us. My mom is gone 15 years this summer and the missing never stops...and I wouldn't want it to. Aren't we lucky to have such wonderful memories to think about. Hugs again...

  14. I wish I could add some great comment of love but Lee's mother had schizophenia and was an addict which made the whole situation worse. Lee even suffered a broken cheekbone from an attack. The last two year of her life she was in an institution court order and Lee footed the cost so the care would be a little better. So Lee hates Mothers Day. Sorry!
    Sweet William The Scot

  15. I used to buy cards for her too if I say something special, on her birthday or mother's day. I guess we just want to hang on. Still have a "pink room" as that was her favorite color. I still go to the pink flowers when buying at the nursery.

  16. Kim,
    Wow I thought I was the only one who felt this way when Father's Day rolls around.My Father and I were as close like you and your Mom so I really can feel your thoughts and love towards her.
    Hope you have a great day just thinking about all the great talks and times you cherished the most.

  17. i am glad you have found some warmth from the day. holidays and these occasions really can be hard.

  18. You were most likely grieving her loss for all these years and TRUE acceptance has now come to you. xox Losing a parent is just hard.

  19. I feel my mother in my heart, she continues to guide my life, and her love is always there. Maybe this sounds strange, but that's the way I feel. Happy Mother's Day, dear Kim. I hope all your furry friends will give you a big cake. You certainly deserve it, wonderful doggie mom that you are.

  20. Powerful post Kim. I can relate because even though my mom passed when I was just 21, we didn't have a good relationship. How I wish I had one like you and your mom did. However, my relationship or lack therein, made me the mom I am. I also love to believe that we are such great mommas to our furbabies.
    Hope you have a good day.
    Love, Noreen

  21. And happy Mother day to you too!!!!! You were lucky to have a good Mother--I din't have one and b/c of that I wasn't as good of a mother as I should have been!!
    I am better at it tho as the time gos by!!!!!

  22. What a beautiful tribute to your mom.


  23. I imagine I will feel exactly the same when my Mum dies Kim. Happy thought across the Pond to you. x

  24. Kim
    You post is so heart felt- and to the core. We know how you feel.
    We are sending you love.

  25. i didn't buy a card. but i wrote a letter to mine on a post. it's like getting to talk to her somehow. it helps.
    i think they are there. that spirit is too strong ~ even if it's only in our hearts.
    this was a beautiful post. and it's a beautiful picture of her too. xo
    happy mothers day to you kim.
    your crew are surely like your own children by now! xoxo

  26. A very touching post. Moms instill a lot in us and we don't realize it at the time.

  27. My Mom passed away in 1998 and it was very difficult for the next few years because my brother who lives away wasn't at all attuned to my loss. He was very cold and is to this day. I watch others in there joy and now I just take the day in stride. Another day in my life. The thing is her birthday is in May too so it's a double whammy! I was so close to her and as I counted the months after her death I have just gotten over the grief and can move on. But alas, an insensitive brother looms on the horizon.
    I loved that your growing up parallels so many people.


  28. Kim, that was beautiful. I only knew my mother as I'll...mentally I'll...and no other way, but even that makes me wish I had more time with her. My daughter and I talk daily, laugh, joke and yes, sometimes cry. I can only hope that when I'm gone, she remotely feels what you do....:)JP

  29. Your memories make it Mother's Day everyday!

  30. Beautiful post.

    Thor and Jack

  31. I believe they never really leave us Kim, but I also think if you want to get your mom a card you should. This is what I tell many of my friends who are trying to work through loss.

    Buy the card, write whatever you want to say in it, sign it and then put a stamp on the envelope and address it to "Mom." Drop it in a mailbox (not your own post because the mailman will only return it to you.) ;-) You'd be surprised how good you'll feel. :-)

    Hope you enjoyed the day with your fur babies.

  32. We have a little saying in our bathroom at work, "don't do anything that wouldn't make your mother proud". Our mom's are always with us. I think of mine most everyday (it has only been two years now). I have little conversations with her and my dad in my head all the time. Mother's Day has become a day of hanging with mom and mom memories all day long! It's a good thing :)

  33. What an honest and lovely post. My husband has similar feelings as he lost his mother about the same time as you {and his father a couple years prior}. It's so hard for him because they died young and he wants so much to be able to share our life with them.
    Hugs to you.

  34. I know how you feel about hating Mother's Day. My grandma had a time of it this weekend it being the first Mother's Day since my father, her son, passed away. Then today I walked into the bookstore and they already had the Father's Day gifts out. My heart plunged. This year for Father's Day I will be going to the cemetery and bringing my father flowers as I will every year from now on. One day when my Sweetheart and I have little ones I know the pain will ease, but right now I'm going to avoid the card shops and Father's Day displays like the plague!

  35. I can relate to this post so very much. I always wish that someone would at least acknowledge all of us who miss our moms as the hype of the day gets underway. I have no doubt in my heart that your mom is still watching over you.


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