Thursday, May 20, 2010

Maguire & Making Up My Mind...

I don't know exactly where to start with my update on Maguire. I think the best place is with a thank-you to everyone because I have really felt peace from what I know are prayers being said in our behalf.

Last Saturday I really felt like it was okay to let Maguire go. When we took him out of the wheelchair and I saw his swollen leg, and he had a loss of appetite, I felt like that was the sign I was looking for and there seemed to be a feeling of peace about it all. I had previously made a "tentative" appointment with the vet to bring him in on Monday. But on Sunday afternoon, Maguire's demeanor changed and a spark returned. The swelling in his leg had gone down, he had an appetite, he also started wagging his tail, and even catching treats that were thrown in his direction. He was doing everything but standing up, which he was and is trying to do. I canceled Monday's appointment to give it a few more days. Because my vet doesn't work everyday at this particular office, I made another tentative appointment for Wednesday evening that I canceled for the same reasons and have made another one for this Saturday morning...

Maguire is still unable to stand on his own--Believe me, we have tried many, many times to get him to walk on his own. We are carrying him outside for everything, and he's spending the rest of the time on an orthopedic dog bed. I'm waking about every 2 hours during the night to change his position because he starts to whine. I know very well that this isn't a good quality of life; it's actually not much of a life at all. I am by no means an expert on when to put a dog down. However, with all but one of the Goldens we have lost, I have seen the look in their eyes or felt a tired spirit that told me without a doubt that their time on this earth was over and it was time to let go. I don't see that in Maguire's eyes or feel that he's tired. All I see is the brightness and spark that's always been there.

However, the last few days I keep remembering one of our first senior Goldens that we had named Cougar. We had him just about a year when we had to put him down. He'd been diagnosed with bone cancer a few months after he came to us--It was too late to do anything about it by the time it was discovered. But I remember when the cancer was at its height and he was in so much pain, Cougar still ate all of his meals, wagged his tail, and he held a tennis ball in his mouth, and above all, he had a spark in his eyes. We had the choice then to let him stay, or let him go. I decided to make the choice and let Cougar go, even though I thought he wasn't ready. But looking back at it, I think that spark and light in Cougar's eyes was his way of showing me that he trusted me, and he was giving me the reassurance that it was "okay." In my heart I feel that Maguire may be telling me the same thing. I just hope I can let go of the new doubts I have and find the needed strength and courage to do what's best...


  1. We are thinking of you -

    Along with the look in their eyes...and their tails, there is the issue of quality of life -

    I know that when we made the decision to let Kyrye go, we could see she didn't have it any longer - and despite the rally she demonstrated that Monday morning, I know it was right for us - her rally was because she had gone to checkout The Rainbow Bridge Sunday night and found it was okay - she'd be happy there until we met her at a time yet to be determined!

    Whatever happens in the hours ahead, know you've got support from around the world AND across The Rainbow Bridge -

    Khyra, Khousin Merdie, and Phyll

  2. This is by far the hardest decision we ever have to make as pet parents. Whatever you decide will be right. With my last dog Buddy, I knew in the end it was time, and made the decision to take him when the vet opened after Memorial Day. But he had a bigger heart...and passed peacefully before I had to do it. It was his last (and most painful for me) gift to me.

    As much as I'd love to say that I hope you didn't have to do this to your best friend, we all know that in the end, we have to choose to let go when they can't do the things they love.

    I wish you peace whatever happens.

  3. Oh sweet Maguire! Just want to give you hugs. You remind us of our Golden Honey...her struggle to stand, the light in her eyes, knowing she was trying so hard each new day... That tangle in our hearts of hoping tommorow you will just bound up and smile, but knowing that pain has invaded... Just want to give you hugs....sweet Maguire.

    Hugs and snaggle-tooth kisses,
    Sierra Rose

  4. It's pure hell isn't it, making the decision. I don't envy you one bit.
    Thinking of

  5. Dear Kim
    Thank you for being so candid and honest in the midst of all this. I know how difficult it is.
    Perhaps there will be bloggers later who are more specific, but I feel that this moment is yours and yours alone. Only you can make this extremely difficult decision. The only role I should play here is to say that I am encouraging you to trust your own instincts.(Even if these change from moment to moment!) I have full faith in your ability to judge your Macquire and to do what you think right in that moment.
    Just know that we love you and send our strength to you at this seemingly impossible time.
    With love

  6. Oh Kim..this brings tears to my eyes! I can only imagine how difficult this decision is for you! ((hugs))

  7. This may help you Kim.When we were facing the same situation with Bonny our elderly retriever(aged 16yrs)..she was exactly like Maguire.We kept thinking this is it,she's ready to go,and then she would rally.In every other respect she was healthy...heart,kidneys,eyes, was the arthritis,it was so bad she could not walk anymore,and although like Maguire she was still eating,enjoying treats and sometimes the old spark would be there,we knew it was the kindest thing to do.
    I feel for you so much,and hope you can have the strength to do what you know in your heart is right for Maguire.Thinking of you all so much.

    Bellaboo x

  8. beautifully will find the strength and do what you feel is best for Maguire.....
    my thoughts are with you during this difficult time...

  9. Kim,

    My thoughts and prayers surround you. But just last night, in a book I was reading, I stumbled across a phrase that basically said a dog will do anything to make it's owner happy - and sometimes that means wagging its tail when it would rather just go to sleep. You need to do what's best for both of you - and getting up every two hours to change his position so atrophy doesn't set in is not good for you. You must take care of yourself so you can care for the rest of your pack - and Macguire knows that.


  10. Please have peace in whatever decision that you have made. You have thought long and hard, and you will make the right one, whatever that may be. My heart goes out to you during this painful time.

  11. Sending you warm and loving thoughts. What ever happens, we can see Maguire lived a life full of love. That is the most important thing.

    Thinking of you,
    xo Catherine

  12. Good Morning Kim,
    I know this is weighing heavy on your heart, you were up pretty late writing this post. Thank you so much for letting us know how Maguire is, I know the post had to be hard to write. I know that whatever you decide, will be for Maguire's benefit.
    Thinking good thoughts...

  13. I wish I could say something helpful, but you are more of an expert than me. So all I can offer is that we are thinking of you...

  14. Their eyes will tell you.

    Being a person of faith, I have always struggled with helping our fur babies pass. I would tell myself that's God's job...why won't he take them so they don't suffer?! But, I am reminded that God put man in dominion over the animals and I also know God has a lot to teach us by this whole process.

    If it's not too painful, please feel free to read my post on our Henry-boy.

  15. Like many this decisions comes far too often, this is something that has always given us comfort.
    Please know that we are all here for you and what ever decision you and Maguire make, will be made in love.
    Sheila & Bob

    Take me to the bridge
    Where the fresh clear waters flow
    Take me to the sunshine
    Show me the virgin snow
    Take me to a new place
    Where I can feel no pain
    My body be renewed, reborn
    My spirit whole again
    You have loved me endlessly
    And I have loved you so
    You gave me more than I could ask
    It breaks my heart to go
    But it's time for me to leave your side
    Time for my spirit to soar
    For this moment I have waited all my life
    Freedom for evermore
    Please don't be sad, don't weep for me
    I have found so many friends
    Take comfort in my angel's wings
    May they help your broken heart mend
    I love you so, I always have
    You know I always will
    I miss you too, our life, our love
    But I'll be waiting still
    I'll be here when you come to join me
    I'll wait through all the years
    But please don't rush... take time, enjoy,
    Don't live your life in tears.
    I can't come down to lick them dry
    The way I used to do
    So weep no more, and smile for me
    For I'm smiling down on you.
    I thank you from my furry soul
    for what you have done for me
    You helped me cross an ancient bridge
    And I made it across safely.
    I was welcomed by so many friends
    Who knew my name and yours
    They'd heard us mentioned in so many prayers
    And ran to meet me at the door.
    I want to tell you of these new wonders
    But I don't want to spoil the surprise
    So go in peace, in love, and in warmth,
    Till we see each others eyes.
    Goodbye dear friend, but not forever,
    Just for a little while
    Be strong for me and for the others
    ...And don't forget that smile!!!

  16. May you have peace in your heart knowing you've given all you can. I know it doesn't make the decision any easier and the words are easier to type than to take hold of...

  17. Oh Kim, My heart aches for you during this difficult time.
    I'm sending comforting thoughts and hugs to you and Maguire.

  18. We are thinking of you in this difficult time. Whatever you decide, please give Maquire a hug from all of us - he has a lot of friends in the blogging world.


  19. Why do our pets have to leave before we are ready to say goodbye ?
    I struggle with this question, and knowing what a difficult decision you are faced with making in the next few weeks, my heart is heavy.
    Do what is best for Maguire, and you can be at peace with your decision...
    Hugs to you both, I will pray you and Maguire.

  20. Kim, we're thinking of you.
    Hugs to you and Maguire,

  21. It's a tough decision.

    I don't know what to tell you.

    Someone once told me that you should let them go when they are still feeling good.

    May the sun shine warmly upon you and yours.....


    We all have our stories of our loves, and can empathize with you. It has obviously been such a heart wrenching week for you, with the appointments made and canceled. It so tough to not see those sweet eyes again and yet to let maquire go..
    I am just so glad that Maquire has had you at the end of his life to feel all of the love you have given him. What a wonderful gift he has had in finding you.
    prayers for you to endure are being lifted up for you...
    Sophie's Mom

  23. thinking about you. You have been such a support to me regarding Sam - I know you will make the right decision for dear Maguire xx

  24. thinking about you. You have been such a support to me regarding Sam - I know you will make the right decision for dear Maguire xx

  25. I know you will make the right decision Kim. My prayers are with you at this time.

    Gill in Canada

  26. Kim,

    This post made me cry. Even though I haven't known you and your blog long, I do know enough to know that Maquire is very special, and that you are an awesome mom and that I know that you will make the right choice at the right time.

    To be honest, I have no idea what to say. I will tell you that being a Christian woman, my prayers are constantly on my notepad of prayer requests.

    Looking at these pictures of Maquire, I know and I can feel the ammount of love he must have for you. Just remember, that someday, over the rainbow, he will thank you for the decision you will make soon.

    With Love, Hugs, Sloppy Kisses and Prayers,
    Paige and her dog, Simba


Speak--I really enjoy your comments! Thanks for stopping by today!!