Thursday, September 4, 2014

CarrieAnne Crosses the Rainbow Bridge

A mostly sleepless night as I have been awake for most of it, playing the scenario of the past day over and over in my mind.  The scenes from my vet's office as I watched them work to try and save my precious CarrieAnne.  Several times she looked at me as I told her to hang on.  The feelings that are still with me when I was told there was nothing more they could do. No time for goodbye. The dizzying numbness and heartbreak as Carrie silently slipped away.  My soul begging God to please spare her.  The moment and feeling of  helplessness trying grasp what was happening and to understand.  The feeling of heartbreak and despair takes over.  Then my mind goes back to the start of the day. Carrie was happy as we began our day.  I took her to the vet's office and kissed her goodbye.  She didn't want to go with the technician, but she was always shy that way.  Off to work, but a nagging deep inside stays with me.  The call from the surgeon telling me all had seemed to go as planned. However the mast-cell tumor was larger than they'd expected, was more complicated to remove than they'd hoped.  Carrie had awakened from surgery and was doing okay.  Someone had sat with her most of the afternoon. She was alert and "okay."  A time was set for me to come and get her.  Despite the news, the uneasiness stayed with me.  Something about it wasn't right. I left work earlier than planned, for whatever reason, I wanted to just go to the office and wait until it was time for her to go home.  On my way a call from the vet asking me to come earlier, CarrieAnne wasn't doing well.  She had suddenly developed a fever and was having problems breathing.  The feeling I'd had all day literally takes over.  I couldn't get there fast enough.  Was that feeling I'd been having for days just my typical worrying, or was it an omen telling me what was to come?  I think it was both.  The loss of CarrieAnne is truly a devastating loss.
CarrieAnne was our pack leader and had been part of our home since June of 2003.  She was a canine-sister to Sheba, respected by Todd and the others. CarrieAnne was very shy by nature, but when she wasn't afraid, she was a delightful, affectionate playful companion that was always happy, always wagging her tail. Always leaning into me when I would pet her.  Her big round gray brown eyes always looking at me for reassurance and security. I've never shared her story of rescue here on my blog, and at some point, I will write it.  It needs to be told and remembered here. But today is a day for mourning her loss.  CarrieAnne will be and is greatly missed.


God-speed my little CarrieAnne, my little cutie-pie, my little muffin.  You taught me so much, about trust and about finding joy and happiness despite being afraid.  At the Rainbow Bridge, there is no fear, and you'll be met by so many who have gone before you, including your sister Lucy who left us so many years ago.  Let them all know we remember them, and that like you, they are missed, and that we look forward to the day when we will see you again. 
   

61 comments:

  1. Oh Kim, we are so sorry. We know you tried so hard and gave her loads of love. We know there'll be a hole in your family for awhile. Hugs from us.

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  2. Kim, I am so sorry to hear about Carrie-Anne.. It is all so fresh in my mind right now.. So I really do know how you feel..Sending my {HUGS}

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  3. Kim, we feel your loss. She was so special to you it must have been difficult to write this post. Take your time before talking again
    Cathy

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  4. As always, my words of encouragement are meant to wrap around you, Kim, your hubby and those that remain. Carrie Anne will be missed by all...air hugs...:)JP

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  5. Oh Kim, I don't know how you do it. I ask my husband all the time how you are able to do this. I could only imagie how devastated you and Carl must be. Hope each day it gets better. Carrie Ann seemed to have been super special to both you and Carl and to the dogs. Looking forward to reading the story of how Carrie Ann came to Golden Pines. Hugs, Ana

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  6. Kim, just left a message in your FB.

    Thinking of you during this difficult time.

    Love,
    Homer and the Missus.

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  7. Kim
    I'm so sorry to read about CarrieAnne - may you carry with you always, the love you saw in her eyes.
    Hugs
    Nadine & goldens Neeli & Elle

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  8. Kim,
    My heart goes out to you and Carl
    Carrie Anne was always your sweet girl and I know how much this hurts you.
    She will be sadly missed by all.
    Sending virtual hugs your way.
    Take time for yourself, we all understand that the heart does take time to heal.

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  9. So terrible for you - so very sorry Kim. Hugs to all. X
    Camille, Buzzy McDuff and the Pip

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  10. So sorry Kim. I, like so many others here, feel her loss too.

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  11. I am so very, very sorry about losing Carrie Anne. You are such a brave person to do the job you do with these dogs who need someone. Thank you for taking care of her and all the others.

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  12. All of us who know you are also shocked by this loss. It's not supposed to end this way ... but we have no say in it. Remember that CarrieAnne knows how much you love her. (I borrowed a photo of her from your FB and her smiling face is now posted on the Greyhounds Rock Memorial Page. I hope you don't mind.)
    http://www.greyhoundsrock.org/memoriam.php

    Hugs to you and to the rest of the pack at Golden Pines.

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  13. Kim...you have been through this way too many times lately. I guess that's the price we pay for loving the senior dogs. Our Rusty left us much the same way as CarrieAnne. An infection set in two days after cancer surgery...the same day he was to come home. The vet called us and told us he crossed the Bridge quickly after a fever spiked. It's hard.

    My deepest sympathy on your loss. CarrieAnne will always remain in your heart.

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  14. We were so sorry when we read your post this morning. We always struggle to find the right words for those left behind at this moment. I believe though that Carrie Ann's mission in life must have been completed and she is now running free in the heavens above. Bless your heart for showing her all about the true meaning of love. She and you will always carry that within yourselves. Hugs and Prayers from us to you.
    Stella Rose, Margaret Mae and Angus McConnell, and their momma

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  15. My heart goes out to you Kim. Tears fill my eyes as I relive what you have described. It is just heart-wrenching. My love and prayers to you all. Godspeed CarrieAnne...

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  16. I am so terribly sorry to hear this news! My heart goes out to you. I know she leaves a big hole behind in your heart and your family.

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  17. I am so very sorry your sweet girl had to leave. I know you weren't ready and I hear your deep sadness. There are no words that will comfort you but I'm sending you big heartfelt hugs.

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  18. Oh Kim, we are so so sorry to hear this unexpected news. Mom's heart goes out to you and everyone who was touched by CarrieAnne. We hope you find comfort with your memories of the good times you all shared together. xoxo

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  19. I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better. I wish there was. I don't know why she was one of my favorites, and shame on me for having them, but CarrieAnne had a special spirit about her. She is missed already. Hugs!

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  20. I am so very sorry. Thinking of you, Carl and all at Golden Pines.

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  21. oh no! I am so sorry about this great loss in your life
    What a beautiful dog
    so glad she came to YOU
    who loved her to the end
    hugs many hugs to you and Carl

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  22. Oh Kim, you had such a close bond with sweet CarrieAnne that of course you knew that something wasn't right. I am so sad for you at this time of such great loss.

    Sending love and hugs,

    xxx

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  23. i am so very sorry. this is painful. i lost a beloved dog, colonel, in that vet office-procedure went well-blood transfusion-resting-all okay to sudden change- loss and tears on the floor of the vet clinic. it stings more than anything. she was a dear.

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  24. That special bond between owner and dog. My how it breaks the heart each time it's broken. Stay strong.

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  25. I came home with great news from the vet yesterday. This brings me down from that high. The vet's place is a casino. Todd-do your stuff to help.

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    Replies
    1. Kim, you should read Stuart's post today:
      http://scottiechronicles.com/

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  26. Kim,
    We in blogland have all come to sit beside you and Carl and all the furries at Golden Pines-- We are sad with you-- as we mourn the loss of CarrieAnne. This was a devistating loss- and so unexpected.
    There was no way to prepare your hearts for this.
    There was a reason why CarrieAnne came into your life so many years ago..... love flowing in both directions.,,,,
    There was trust, companionship, courage, kind words,bravery to the end.
    We just know there was a reason she came into your lives.....
    A special reason.
    We are so sorry Kim. We have a hard time to speak the words that we are feeling. We sit with blogville-- our arms around you.
    We know one thing,,,, you will see her again-- as with the others-- and yes someday- you will all run across the bridge to greet each other...
    And right now- as CarrieAnne is being held in the arms of the angels- all the other furries from Golden Pines are all circled around her,,,.
    If CarrieAne could give you a message-- she would say- "thank you to you and Carl- for all the years of love.
    We are soo sorry
    love
    tweedles and moms

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  27. So very sorry to hear this news. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless CarrieAnne

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  28. Hugs and shared tears all around, Kim. Bless you and all at Golden Pines, we hope you may find peace.

    Run free, sweet Carrie Ann.

    Edgar and his mum

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  29. Tears for you and Carl, as I look at CarrieAnn and know she was so loved, so much cared for, and so much missed. You were there, and to me, that is so important, the Bridge gates would have been wide open as others waited to welcome her, CarrieAnn will always be in your heart, and as you share this with us, in ours too. Hugs, Jean.

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  30. I'm so sorry to hear of CarrieAnn's passing. She sure was a special girl.

    Cindy

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  31. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  32. Oh Kim, I am so very sorry. This is the very reason I can never relax when my kids are having procedures. I really do feel your pain today and wish there were words that would help.
    Sue

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  33. I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your precious CarrieAnne, Kim. Tears are streaming down my face after reading your post because I have felt the anguish you are feeling. CarrieAnne was dearly loved by you and may the many happy memories you shared together give you some peace and healing at this very sad time. xo

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  34. We feel so sad for you, your pack leader has gone across the bridge, but she is in a great place with past plas. We hate when one of our bloggers pals leaves!

    The Mad Scots

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  35. Oh Kim. We send you our sincere condolences on CarrieAnne passing to the Rainbow Bridge. Hold each other tight dear mates, and know we have you all in our hearts. Run free CarrieAnne.
    No worries, and love, Stella and Rory and Carol

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  36. I'm so saddened by this news, I know I can't begin to understand how you feel; my condolences on this loss. I hope the thousands of good memories you have of Carrie Anne help you through this time...

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  37. I'm so, so sorry to hear this news. Carrie Anne was always a favourite of mine, and I loved it when news of her was part of one of your posts. You do such a precious and heroic service to the world, especially at times like this, and I am grateful for your presence on this earth. With much love from all of here at Mucky Boots.

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  38. Oh, Kim. I am so sorry CarrieAnne didn't make it. I've been there and I understand. So grieve and take comfort in the pack.

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  39. Oh Kim, this was unexpected and so very sad. Hugs to you and your pack.

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  40. I am so so sorry. CarrieAnne will be missed. I am glad you were there at the vets for her, but I am sure it had to be heartbreaking.

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  41. no words can express my deepest sympathy for your great loss. so fast - their lives and time w/ us is so fleeting as you know. i do understand having recently experienced the loss of my golden who died unexpectedly also. he was my foundation and what i could count on as i know carrie anne was for you. grieve that tremendous loss - allow your pack to love you and support you. A big hug to all and i wish for some peace in the darkest dark of this night.

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  42. I am so very sorry for your loss and understand the hurt and loss you feel. It's such a sad day.

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  43. Kim, I don't know another soul who has gone through what you have with all the sweet pups you have rescued. I'm so grateful that they could spend part of their lives at Golden Pines. Carrie Anne was with you for a long time...may she rest in peace. You must be a very strong person, your husband too...because you never give up. So sorry.

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  44. It's hard to find the words to express my sorrow for your loss and for all at Golden Pines. I so appreciate all the love you give to your pack and I know that each one is very special to you. I believe God puts the pups in your life because he knows that only you can love and care for them in the way he intended. Thanks for loving them. Gentle nose nudges to you.

    Aroo to you,
    Sully

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  45. I knew she had her surgery and had thought of her since last week when she was scheduled. Sweet, little face.
    I am so sick of death. We were not created to die and it kills us when we see those we love go. And we love all of your babies.
    I am so sorry, so very sorry for your heartache and the loss it creates for you all. Sweet girl.
    I look forward to hearing Carrie Anne's story. It is a great way to honor her life.
    Gus' Mom

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  46. This one brought tears to my eyes. Much too much like what happened to our Lucy just five months ago. I grieve with you.

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  47. We're so very sorry for your loss of your sweet girl. I have tears streaming down my face. I don't often comment, but I love your blog and feel like I know each of your fuzzy loves. Sending you virtual cuddles.

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  48. So sorry for your loss Kim. CarrieAnne was a very special girl. ((hugs))

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  49. I'm so sorry for your loss of beautiful and sweet CarrieAnne! I will miss her too.

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  50. I'm so so sorry for your loss.
    I'm glad to know that you were able to be with her in her final moments.
    It must have been such a comfort to her, to have you there beside her and making her transition to a better place easier.
    Thank you for giving her so many years of happiness and security.
    xoxo

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  51. I don't have the right words to take your pain away today but please know that all of out here reading about CarrieAnne do indeed feel your pain and our sending you healing thoughts as you struggle through this very difficult time. RIP sweet CarrieAnne and as your Momma said tell all hello and that much love is being sent both to the Rainbow Bridge and to your precious family still here with us.

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  52. Kim, I'm so sorry I didn't know when we talked today. I'm glad you had a chance to talk with Dr. E. I know the heartbreak must be devastating, especially since this happened after trying to give her a longer, happier, cancer-free life by removing the tumor. The struggle to figure out how far to go and how much to do when our pet is faced with scary diseases like cancer always haunts us, and no matter what we do, we're left haunted by whether we do more harm by acting or by failing to act. We just keep searching our souls and trying to give them the best chance we can. My heart aches for you, I'll be giving you a big hug next time we see each other. Call me if you need anything at all, even just someone to talk to.

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  53. Kim - My internet has been down for days, while I wished I could write a note to you. I once had a traumatic, very sudden loss of a dog, and I was with him as he left this Earth (and I spent months reliving that day, every step of the way, wondering how I could have changed the outcome). So I have an inkling of your feelings, and I want to send lots of love and support to you. I promise that CarrieAnne and K were kindred spirits, and I hope that they have met up there on the Bridge. Take care of yourself, and please know how much I feel for you. CarrieAnne was a beautiful soul and your devastation is a testament to her loving spirit.

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  54. oh Kim, I am so sorry...you did what we all would have thought was right...and it was i am sure. We're always left with these feelings and know the deep sadness. Sending love and hugs to you...

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  55. THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU for sharing the loss of our precious CarrieAnne with us. Your words of support have truly made a difference. The blogging community is truly a place of kindness and compassion.

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  56. Im so sorry to hear about the loss of CarrieAnn which I read about on tweedles blog

    retro rover

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Speak--I really enjoy your comments! Thanks for stopping by today!!