The Lady Inside My Head

I've decided that there's a problem with caring for dogs for the last 20 years --  It's that (when asked) I think I’ve gotten pretty good at giving supportive thoughts to people who are struggling to care for and make the best decision for their dogs.

But here's the thing when it comes to my own dogs and the foster dogs --  I am not very good at hearing the same kind, reasonable, forgiving lady that lives in my head. Sure, she'll talk to everyone else, but she ignores me when I ask her to weigh in on my problems. When she does finally say something to me, most of the time all I hear is a weepy confused lady running around in panicked circles calling me names for not being a better caregiver to the dogs.  That lady really gets to me sometimes.  And I couldn't help but hear her weepy voice this week when I was discussing Max with the Holistic Vet.  I found myself fighting off those hot-tears when I had to come to the realization that Max may need yet another knee surgery.

-Max after having his staples removed~

Max's recovery from surgery was going pretty well.  When the staples were taken out this week, everyone commented on how well he was doing. That made me feel pretty good because we've been following the post surgical instructions to the letter.  Then it happened. Actually, I don't know what happened.

All I know is that Max was holding up his OTHER (good) leg and not putting any weight onto it. It appears that he may have torn his other cruciate.  I had no idea that it's not uncommon for dogs to have the same injury occur to the other knee after surgery because they're having to compensate and shift their weight onto their good knee. I was told by the Rescue and the Holistic Vet that it was not my fault, and that I shouldn't feel guilty about it.  This is exactly what I may have told any of you if you were in the same spot. And I would have said that to myself if that weepy lady in my head wasn’t busy shouting about how I had failed Max.

At any rate, that's what seems to have happened.  The Holistic Vet recommended putting Max back on anti-inflammatory and pain medications.  She did acupuncture and cold laser therapy which seems to have helped.  Max is to be kept on strict crate-rest, nothing off leash, no jumping, etc.  All this in hopes of turning it around.

By Thursday, he was still tentative when he walked, but he was balancing his weight a little more. On Friday when I got home from work, the note from our dog-walker commented on how Max was "holding his leg up really close to himself when he came back in."  I found out that she'd misunderstood what the staples coming out meant, and she unknowingly let Max out without a leash. The lady in my head said a lot of nice things to our dog-walker, but to me, she wasn't so understanding.

Today, it appears that we're back to where we were earlier in the week.  And whatever happens, I know Max will be just fine.  He's not worried about another knee-surgery because he's too busy thinking about chasing the cat, getting some extra attention and watching what's on TV.

The lady inside my head has been quiet.  At least she is for the moment. However I know she'll be back -- She never really goes away. That's just how she is.  But maybe Todd can scare her away.