The End of My First Day

As the day comes to a close, I cannot begin to tell you how very humbled I am by the kind messages, poems and even an e-card after the loss of our Golden, Cowboy. These kind gestures and friendship have meant so very much, and have truly lifted my heart and spirit! Saying "THANK-YOU!!" somehow doesn't seem like enough for this wonderful gift I have received from so many of you! You have helped me through what has been a difficult day.

We did go to church today, but only for me to teach my Sunday school class and then leave. I'm just not been ready to face the world and needed a day at home.

As you know, when we lose one of our four-legged family members, you have a day that becomes a day of firsts. It truly is all part of this whole process called grieving, and this is what this post is.

For me, it's always hard to look for the first time and see where "they" used to always lay.


And then there's the first time you realize that you now have an extra bowl that doesn't need to be filled . It's also sad the first time you don't see them standing in the spot where they used to eat. The first walks for me always take a little getting used to because you're so used to seeing them in their favorite spot in the yard--And you keep looking, expecting to see them there; but the place is empty and oh, so silent.

This morning out of habit I kept looking back to see if I was being followed by a dog that for 2 years was my companion on all of our walks. I think that today Cowboy was there in spirit "bringing in the herd" as I always used to say to him because he was always the last one to come inside. Another "first" was coming home for the first time; the barking from the inside of our house is missing a voice.
Yesterday afternoon the dogs kept coming to me and I just felt like I had nothing to give them, and I thought I wanted to be alone. But I let them in and just as I knew they would, the dogs became a source of comfort and strength.

I know that life does and needs to continue. But I'm thankful that I've been able to shut the world out today. Tomorrow will come, and I'll once again join the human race. I'm feeling the loss, but thankful for those like you who understand and have provided a cyber-shoulder to cry on. Thank-you so very, very much for that, you made a difference for me on "my first day!"
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Thank-you Tanner for running off and distracting me on the walk this morning.
Sammy for reminding me that life does and needs to go on. Maguire for knowing that I needed a dog to hug.

Rudi for making me laugh by bringing me that branch this morning...

And Joshua for jumping on the bed when I was taking a nap. It helped to have you close.
And Charlie for telling me it would be okay.

Thank-you Sheba for understanding when I accidentally left you outside in the rain...

And Wendy for barking when it was mealtime, you helped to distract me.

Hamlet for offering me your paw to hold.

And thank-you Cowboy for being part of our life and our home for 2 years.

The Passing of a Friend & Family Member

I will start by saying THANK YOU to all of you for your thoughts and prayers for Cowboy.

I write my second post today with a heavy weight in my heart. I took Cowboy to the vet this morning, thankfully my regular vet was working today. I have to admit that there was a part of me screaming to not call them and keep Cowboy at home. But I knew instinctually or on an intellectual level that he needed to be seen. We started with blood work to see if there were any changes since his 6 month visit in February. While we waited for the results, we spent some time together on the floor. I told him how I felt about everything that was going on and how much I loved our 2 years together. I told him what he meant to our family and how much I wanted him to be okay. When the blood work came back, the results showed that even though he had a slight elevated white blood cell count there were no real changes since his last visit. However, Cowboy was telling us something else.

I tried to get Cowboy to take a treat from me, stand, put his head up and I tried to get a small wag of his tail, anything...but I couldn't. As I watched him, I knew in my heart that the kind thing to do was to let him go.

We had little time for goodbyes...Cowboy slipped into sleep for the last time and left this life for the next taking a piece of my heart with him. He will be missed and not forgotten.

Cowboy joins and meets our other Goldens, Tod, Ben, Cougar, Scout, Tucker, Tosh, Logan, Cubby, and Kasey at the Rainbow Bridge.

God speed Cowboy...

A Long Night With Cowboy

It's my usual time to get up, but I feel as if I've not had any sleep at all.

You may recall back in February I told you about our senior boy, Cowboy who we think is about 13-14 years old. He came to us 2 years ago from a shelter in West Virginia--You can read more about him and his story of rescue here: http://lifeatgoldenpines.blogspot.com/2010/02/our-valentines-day-gift.html

Yesterday morning we noticed that Cowboy was not his usual self. When we were out for our morning walk, he only walked around a little bit. There was none of his continual tail wagging or barking, there was none of his usual rolling in the grass either. When he came back in, he laid down in the kitchen. He didn't get up for his breakfast, so I fed him in that spot. Thinking that the rain and the return of the cold weather was bothering his arthritis Carl and I both went off to work--Of course I worried about him the entire time. When I got home, Cowboy was still in the same place as he was when I left in the morning. When I let the other dogs out, Cowboy tried, but couldn't get up. I stood him up, but he's unable to walk without being steadied on his feet. I made him a dinner of "chicken-soup" with rice, which he ate. We then helped him out, and put him on a dog bed where he's stayed. Cowboy sleeps in our room and I got up several times during the night to check on him and anytime there was any noise I woke up. He did get sick once during the night...His feet and ears are nice and warm, his gum color is good, and he's alert...

Of course it goes without saying that I really love this goofy old boy and I'm really worried. I don't know what all this means, and my hope is that he'll snap out of it. But of course my head is telling that he is an old dog that's had a long life and his time to leave us may be near--but my heart is not ready to let him go, he practically just got here.

I hope you'll keep him in your prayers...

Our Valentine's Day Gift

Today on Valentine's Day, I pay tribute to one of our dogs, Cowboy. Two years ago on Valentine's Day, I was asked to foster a senior Golden that was picked up as a stray, and was on his "last day" in a shelter in West Virginia. Here was fate again....Carl and I just happened to be off work the next day and could meet the transport that was bringing him to our part of Virginia; so that made it easy to say "yes."

When we first saw him, he was leashed to a tree in a backyard. He stood up and started happily barking at us, as if to ask where we'd been. With the leash in hand, he walked right to our van and put his front feet up on the open side door, a signal for us to help him in and to get on with his adventure! Of course a couple of people suggested we name him something associated with Valentine's Day. But I named him "Cowboy" for a couple of reasons--He had on a rope-like collar, and with bow-legs bent because of age, a few missing teeth, all reminded me of an "old" cowboy--The name just seemed to fit him.

As we got to know Cowboy, I thought he was sweet old fellow (aren't they all?) and I thought it was a bit endearing that when he wagged his tail, it went in a big circle that never seemed to stop going. We found him to be a happy, big goofy Golden with a little bit of laryngeal paralysis that causes him to have a raspy old dog bark that is always telling you when he wants something--If his barking doesn't get your attention, then he'll grab your hand, your shirt, or whatever he can and pull you to what he wants, which is usually something related to the kitchen.

I've no idea what Cowboy's past was like, and of course we have no idea how old he really is. But what I do know, is that we couldn't love him anymore if he'd been with us his entire life. I feel that with Cowboy and all the other senior Goldens, that when I look into their eyes, we have been given an extraordinary gift to love, and to be loved unconditionally in return--For me, it's the perfect Valentine's Day gift!

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!