Sunday, February 21, 2021

Buddy and a Letter to PH

I’m still exhausted from the events with Buddy. On Saturday, I ran some errands, and took a 3 hour nap afterwards. It did a lot to clear my head. But I’m still upset about everything.

Below is a letter of sorts that I've written directly to Buddy’s first family because they are or have been readers/followers of my blog. They are the reason behind what has happened with Buddy and why I am feeling the way I am -- And this post picks up about where my last one ended yesterday. They are words that I really want to say to them, but felt "muted" until now. 

Dear Peter and Family, 

When the decision was made to let Buddy go, I wanted to be kind and keep my word, and so I contacted your son to let him know that we were going to let Buddy go. It is, and always will be a decision that is difficult to make. But it's one made out of love for that particular dog, and I felt strongly that it was Buddy's time.

My plan was to meet your son at the Vet’s office and give him all the time he wanted to spend with Buddy. Then, quietly, and peacefully, as it should always be, we would all be there as he left this life for the next. 

At least, that was my plan. What came after I contacted your son has truly changed everything. Your son’s insistence that he be allowed to take Buddy overnight of course came with my resistance.  Then being told your daughter was coming from out of state along with all your text messages didn’t help the stress I was already under and the emotions I was already feeling. Then being told by your son “that he was on his way to get him” really made it worse. 

I will say here that in the time that I had Buddy, I never ever played the “you are no longer his owner card,” but this time I did to both you and your son. You no longer legally owned Buddy. You signed your ownership of him over to the rescue. I was not, under any circumstances going to allow Buddy to leave our house with your son. I thought that agreeing to let your son and daughter spend time with him was more than fair. 

And I’ll also add that believe it or not, there are rules and protocols that the rescue has in place and I have agreed to those rules, and I intended to follow them. But I will of course have to confess that I broke a few of them in allowing your son to visit Buddy. In my defense, I tried to create a distance between us, that is why Peter, I never answered any of your e-mails and didn't mention him much on my blog - I needed and wanted the space to care for Buddy on my own and make those decisions that I or WE felt best for him and not be judged for them. And now knowing how you have "intervened" shows that my thinking that was correct.   

But anyway, none of that appears to have mattered. In the end, you never showed any amount of respect for me, or to an organization that had accepted Buddy into their program. We never thought of Buddy as anything but "our dog" and the rescue never hesitated to provide him with everything that he needed. 

Your actions spoke volumes when I refused to do as you were asking, because you took it one step farther and you made me feel bullied. When the comment was made that “he should be with his family and that he should be made comfortable” really stung. I’m not sure what that meant that we had been doing for him? The care we had given Buddy the last 175+ days were never considered and our feelings were totally tossed aside by what you wanted, not what may have been best for Buddy. You never once considered anything but your own need to control everything and you said as much in a text message.  We were caring for Buddy in a place where he was comfortable, and content. He had other dogs (and cats) around, us around, and I think he was happy here. That night in the kitchen, and “Angel’s dream” I think confirmed that. Buddy was in a place that he felt comfortable (he hardly ever barked by the way) and he ALSO knew us and knew what to expect.

I know, I know, this is all a moot point, but I have to say it. Peter, you all got what you wanted, Buddy has been returned to you with barely even a thank-you from you; but there has been plenty of criticism of the rescue, and maybe even me, that has provided Buddy with everything, and that you have shown nothing but disrespect towards.  In case you didn't know, the rescue is a non-profit all volunteer organization that relies on donations to help pay for the expenses of nearly 1000 labs each year. And your son scoffed at a nominal adoption fee of $125 that was asked for by the rescue, and that would have helped to offset a very small amount of Buddy's expenses - which by the way was almost $1000.  I think the rescue waiving that small fee in the end says more about an organization that I support as much as it does about you. For the rescue, it’s always about “the dog.” and their needed care.

In the end, I don't know if any of this matters to you. Because you got what you wanted and what you demanded, and didn't care who you stepped on in that process. You have Buddy back. You are free to make any and all the decisions for him. And it has come at no expense to you. For me, it has cost me plenty, including the trust the rescue has had in me. I worry that I may not be asked to foster for them again. I am angry at myself that I allowed you to manipulate, control, and bully me and the rescue to get what you selfishly wanted. Giving him back to your family was just easier and I do find some consolation in that he is with someone who loves him- How YOU all felt was never ever in doubt, and is why I allowed your son to visit and be part of Buddy's life. I know now, I should never, ever have allowed or agreed to those visits. 

Finally and for the record, I am angry at myself for so many things - One being sorry for the problems I have caused the rescue, and for what it has cost them financially. And, I am hurt that I personally will not get that “good-bye” to Buddy when his time comes. The stress of getting him "packed up" at the last minute (not even having time to feed him his dinner) and the chaos of the entire day, affected everyone in our household. 

But I don’t regret having the chance to get to know Buddy, to love and care for him for 175-ish days. Peter, I fell in love with the Buddy you first told me about back in August. The one that jumped on the trampoline and was the world traveler and whose charm and spirit allowed him to be loved by so many, including me and my husband. I look forward to the day when I get to see ‘that big-eyed boy’ once again, whole and brand-new, smiling, his tail wagging, his eyes happy and sparkling like they were that night, in that perfect moment we shared in my kitchen. 

Best regards to you and your family. I do wish you all well. 

~Kim W~


  1. Kim, I am so sorry to read of the trouble you have had with Buddy's family. What heartless people they are. It seems to me that they aren't really concerned for Buddy's welfare, but with taking control of a situation they had already surrendered. If they had loved Buddy as much as they profess, they would never ever have even considered letting him go.
    The way you have been treated by Peter and his family is appalling. Lab Rescue must realise that you are in no way to blame for the distressing events leading to your having to surrender Buddy. Lab Rescue know you have always had the very best interests of every dog you have ever had in your care.
    You know that we are all behind you and support you Kim - you have given so many lost fur babies such hope, so much love, and a place where they can feel safe.
    Take heart that you have such an excellent reputation amongst those that really matter.

  2. Hello Kim,
    If the previous owners loved Buddy so much, why did they give him up to begin with? It seems at the time maybe Buddy was not convenient for them. I for sorry for Buddy, I am behind you 100 percent. I have seen and read about your rescuing dogs and fostering them with all the love you can give. I do not understand people. I say keep on doing what you do best, giving love and support to the dogs. Take care, enjoy your day!

  3. Eileen has said it for me.
    WHY? why did they let him go in the first place if they were so intent upon disrupting his content and happy life with you and Carl and his 'pack.'
    he is not a piece of furniture that they can just discard when he's not wanted! and then picked back up when they want to!
    oh Kim.
    you literally LOVE all the animals you help. surely the Rescue knows that. don't for ONE SECOND fault yourself in this horrible charade. Peter knows and his son knows and their whole family knows the truth. the truth that Buddy had a New and Happy home.
    he was disposed of and he was rescued. by Lab Rescue and by YOU.
    we love you Kim. keep on being You. and don't let these people affect you. they're Not worth it. the Dogs are always worth it. XO

  4. I am so sorry for you pain, and anguish at going through this. Having had a similar experience with two aged labs who were inconvenient for the family to deal with it, and who later felt so guilty they could not handle it, I have so very much empathy for you. My experience spelled the end of my being able to foster any more (by my own choice); I sincerely hope you are strong enough to make a kinder decision!!!

  5. Kim, I know your heart is breaking into tiny little pieces over this & I wish we could gather them up & put it back together. I am so very sorry this happened the way it did.

  6. I'm so sorry, Kim, I did not expect this. Like everyone else, I wonder why Buddy was given up in the first place if everyone felt so strongly about controlling everything that happened after that? I'm sorry you got bullied too and that this may affect future fosters. The rescue must know that your heart was always in the right place and you always did what you thought was best for Buddy. You have nothing to feel guilty over. Sending big hugs to you; you are such a strong person to do everything that you do. xxoo

  7. Don't give up. There will be other dogs who need you.

  8. Your letter has left me sad for you and mad at the heartless acts of a bully. I hope time will heal your heart. You did what you thought was best for Buddy and I hope the rescue can see that you did nothing wrong and allow you to foster for them again. If I could I would give you a hug.

  9. How sad! And not the happy ending I had envisioned of him sourrounded by his old and new family as he crossed over, everyone united in love for him and what was best for him. I have had to say goodbye to many a pet and leaving it too long when they are in pain is just no good. What an awful experience and I just hope Buddy has happiness with the time he has left.

  10. ((Hugs)) we think it was very kind of you to want to give his old family a chance to be with him at the end and are so sorry it backfired the way it did. All we can think of is that some people believe for religious reasons that euthanasia is wrong, and that they never knew/understood that that was a choice the rescue might make. We know you didn't want Buddy to suffer and that you wanted to offer him the comfort of your presence when he crossed we are so sorry you will not have the opportunity to do that. We are purring for Buddy and sending POTP that his last days are full of love and peace.

  11. Ooooh Kim! I am so so sorry for the hurt your sweet trusting heart is feeling right now. What an absolutely SH*TTY thing for Peter to have done. Yes, you're right... you should have kept silent... but perhaps that would have bothered you too. I'm guessing it would have. The only consolation is, as you said, Buddy is with people who love him. Returning him to people who couldn't give a hoot & would have tied him up in a cold backyard somewhere would have been horrifying. This life is filled with lessons and we've ALL learned that way, as hard as some of those lessons were. The rescue will ask you again to foster... they know the gem they have in you & your family. Toss that worry aside. My love always~ Andrea xoxo

  12. The choices that we make are sometimes so hard ,beyond our ability to cope with the outcome, People who are so selfish, maybe they felt guilty about their original decision, and we all know you gave Buddy the best ever care and love, and now ponder the why of all this. Have love in your heart from us all, as you have shared the hardest decision maybe you have ever made, sharing with us and putting it into words , I re4ad this late last night and could not find any words at all. Much love and heaps of caring wishes that the Lab Rescue will understand.XXXXX My love always too.

  13. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I hope Buddy is loved and kept comfortable and you can find the peace you deserve. You did your best.

  14. THANK YOU EVERYONE for your support and cheering us on! You all are the best. ❤

  15. This is absolutely heartbreaking. While I only know you through your blog, I have no doubt that you gave Buddy the best life for those 175+ days. He was lucky to have had you in his life.

  16. Kim, I cannot believe that Buddy's "former family" was so insensitive and, in my opinion, rude. Apparently having compassion for an animal is not on their list of virtues. Be

  17. I am going to have to bite my tongue here because I too am so very angry about what happened to YOU, Buddy, and the rescue. I have no good words for Peter. This situation is sort of the reverse of my Misty story, and I totally feel your pain, anguish, and heartbreak. I am hoping that Buddy had/has a peaceful end to his life, the kind he deserved and would have gotten with you. I also hope the rescue comes to realize that your actions were completely motivated by love and a desire to do the right thing and that they will be losing more than they know if they abandon you. I am so sorry.


  18. I am so sorry. You opened your arms, your home and your heart to Buddy. Please be kind to yourself and, as another person commented, know that there are other dogs who need you.

  19. Oh Kim, I am so sorry for what you have gone through with these selfish, insensitive people. I have known you through the rescue for a number of years now and you have always been an angel in my eyes and others too. You give of yourself so unselfishly for all the animals that have been entrusted with your care. I know you are valued by all the rescues that you have volunteered with for the loving care you have given to all the dogs and cats you've welcomed into your home. I can't imagine the rescue wanting to lose you. Hold your head high, you have nothing to feel sorry for. Sending big hugs.

  20. I have to admit that I'm at a loss for words. None of it seems fair to you, and I'd be as upset as you are. I think that you did the very best that you could for Buddy. You perhaps trusted people too much but that's hardly a fault. I hope that Buddy is indeed treated well by his former people, and that he has a peaceful end.

    I am so sorry, Kim.

  21. I am sad to hear all of this Kim.
    I do wonder why Buddy was a rescue in the first place.
    Sounds like Buddy was brought to the rescue
    because the family was going to be living out of the country.
    And the son bullied his way in when it was convenient
    for him with no regard for the 175 days of love and care
    you and the rescue had provided.
    Very sad . . . and unsettling!

  22. Kim, I am so sorry. I agree with all the comments before mine. I don't know how you kept from unloading on them, because I know I would have not been able to be quiet during all of this. But does say something about you. Peter and his family took advantage of you emotionally, and they took advantage of the rescue financially. They should APOLOGIZE to you for what they put you through and REPAY the rescue the DONATIONS used for Buddy. They are heartless bastards. Pardon my language. But someone had to say it.

  23. I am so sorry for Buddy and you. I can not believe that Peter and his family could and did treat a family member so badly at the end of his life.
    I prayer for your heart and that the rescue will not judge you by this. It seems to me that you have been bullied the whole time that you took Buddy into your care. Please find peace and do not let the bully’s win. Your love and kindness and care of older dogs is needed.

  24. I have no words except to say that I am so glad to know you through your blog. You are a person of quality and empathy. My heart breaks for you as you have had to endure this terrible experience.

  25. Kim, you don't deserve this kind abuse

  26. Kim, my heart breaks for you and Buddy. This is so wrong. My prayers are with you.

  27. So sad, it is certainly not the treatment you deserved...or Buddy either:(


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