At Home for Now

This post has nothing to do with our dogs. It's about me. So, please forgive me from veering away from the usual topic.  But I've decided to share a little bit about a personal "journey" I've been on the last year. 

It was about this time last year I started having signs of something being wrong that at first, I just ignored. When the symptoms didn't go away, I knew I had to see a doctor. I also knew I could not do as my Mother had done when she had those same things happening to her, when her Mother had them, when my Aunt had them and my cousins too. 

So, fast forward thru waiting for appointments, tests and consoles. None of the test results were 100% conclusive, because they only showed precancerous changes - But with my family history, and my symptoms, I felt strongly in my mind and heart that I couldn't follow the path that other family members had, including my own Mother and wait and see if things worsened or just do nothing, and then, it may be too late to do anything curative.

So, I did something; last Friday I had a "preventative" surgery to remove any chances of cancer occurring. It was a difficult and very personal decision - So personal, that it's not easy for me to talk about, but I feel like I should. But I struggled and prayed about the decision to have surgery for months. I tried to have faith in what I knew to be the right thing to do. But in those quiet moments, the doubts would always find a way to creep in. 

~My lonely hospital room~

Even after the surgery, I still had doubts that *maybe* I'd made the wrong choice. But on Sunday morning, I noticed that blooming in my weedy flower bed, is a single daffodil. I know it's not unusual to see daffodils blooming in March. But it's unusual because I've never planted any daffodils, or had any in my yard in the more than 12 years we've lived here.

Daffodils blooming are said to signify new life and resilience because they are survivors who have weathered the winter storms -- And this one being a bit worse for wear, I feel like is a reminder, just for me, that everything is okay. And that maybe I'm like this single daffodil, a "weathered, resilient, survivor" and I'm going to be okay and continue to bloom too.  

So, I'm home and off work until at least until mid-April. I'm feeling pretty well, and I am up around. Friends have provided meals, and so we are very well fed, and I am so very grateful and thankful for their kind thoughtfulness. Let the healing begin. 

~Gerbera Daises from a friend~