Blogging Friends - Among the Best!

A busy and tiring Monday was forgotten about when I came home this evening and found a package waiting for me.  Inside the box, a very special gift from Tina from the blog One Wild Swan  who so thoughtfully and without my knowing, painted a portrait of our beloved Tanner who left us in March.  I've been following Tina's blog for some time and each time she posts one of her portraits, I am in awe of her talent and how each piece she creates is brought to life.  I think this is what she did in her painting of Tanner; she captured his sweet spirit and kind soul.  I have found myself drawn to Tanner's eyes in the portrait and remembering how gentle they were...I am so touched by Tina's thoughtfulness for a gift that has become a treasure.  Thank-you again Tina for your beautiful gift that has truly touched my heart and soul.    

Tina's gift reminds me of how blessed I am to have her friendship and yours.  Even though I've never met any of you, I feel like I have because of your blogs.  You have given me a glimpse into your lives, told me about places I'll never get to visit, and shown kindness that I'll always be grateful for--Thank-you for that! 

If you'd like to visit Tina's blog, here's the link:

http://onewildswan.blogspot.com/

From Darkness to Gray to Light

I know that it's natural that it has been a sad week for me as I've come to accept the loss of Tanner--Times filled with the realization that I'll never see him sleeping in the hallway, hear his 'woof's' as I get dinner ready, keeping track of him when we're all out for a walk, picking up his medications from the pharmacy...In the quiet times filled with grief, I've been comforted by the very kind thoughtful, encouraging e-mails and comments left by you on my blog, yours and others on Facebook.  Thank-you doesn't seem like enough as I've read and re-read them several times, feeling your friendship and support. 

Through it all, I've looked for that sign that everything was okay.  That Tanner was okay.  I've waited and watched and hoped that I would know it when and if it came...On Monday evening I was fixing dinner for the dogs, and as I was lost in a moment of silence and sadness, outside I heard a single goose honking as it flew over the house...The next morning I saw a fox pouncing and playing in the field.  When I stopped and watched it, it also stopped and looked at me...Then there was the cardinal singing so loud and beautifully at the end of the day, was that the sign?  I thought maybe it was a single daffodil that is blooming...Then again, maybe the sign came from Wendy, who always came in right before Tanner after our walks.  On Tuesday as I was getting everyone inside, I was thinking of him and Wendy hesitated and stared at me for a moment, cocked her head, barked twice, then went up the steps. Then on my commute this week the words of a song from 1984 that I've heard 3 times on the radio says, 

 "After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray

Watching through windows you're wondering if I'm okay.

Secrets stolen from deep inside, the drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me, time after time..."

Could that have been it?  Is all of this 'the sign' telling me that Tanner is okay?  Finally, today when Carl and I had all the dogs outside this afternoon, we took a walk up to the field in back of our house.  I marveled at what a warm, beautiful spring day it was.  In the distance across the field at the edge of the pond was a blonde Golden Retriever.  It was unusual to see a dog because we typically don't see other dogs--However the people on the other side of the field have them too.  But I became caught up in the beauty of the moment and how stunning the golden looked as it stood there peacefully sniffing the air.  The thought again crossed my mind about Tanner and the hope that he was okay...I continued to watch the golden as it explored...Then I realized the dog that I was watching was actually our girl Rudi...She'd taken a moment and wandered off...That little sneak...Back to reality, home and our life that goes on without Tanner, but with good memories of him that cannot be taken away.   

Tanner at the Rainbow Bridge

It's with a broken heart that I post this evening and tell you that I sent our precious boy Tanner to the Rainbow Bridge. As you know, we had been giving him medication to try and control his laryngeal paralysis. Last evening when we returned from Tennessee, in the excitement he had problems breathing, but I was able to get him to relax by taking him for a ride in the van. This evening, he again had problems catching his breath and something told me that this time it was different. I put him in the van and I drove the entire distance to the animal emergency clinic; his breathing had not improved. After what seemed like an eternity a vet called me back and rambled on with a grim diagnosis, treatment options and possibilities. I'm not sure of all that he said, but I totally understood that when Tanner was taken off the oxygen for even a few minutes it again made it worse for him. In my heart I knew that the kind thing to do was to let him go...There was little time for a good-bye as I held Tanner thanking him for being a part of our life...He quietly left this life for the next taking a part of my heart with him and leaving part of his with me.  

Tanner was with us for almost 3 years and was about 14 years old. Our time with him wasn't nearly long enough--But I know that when we see him again, we will have all the time together that we didn't get in this life.

I hope he will be met at the bridge by our pups Tod, Ben, Cougar, Kasey, Tosh, Tucker, Scout, Cubby, Logan, my beloved Cowboy and Maguire...When I returned home a candle was already burning...Did Carl know before he went to work?  


God speed Tanner...

All Eyes on Tanner

No one loves a good snow fall more than I do!  But the warmer temps this week have me hoping that the winter is finally behind us.  The signs of spring are starting to appear everywhere.  Birds can now be heard singing in the morning.  And yesterday on the way to work, I saw my first groundhog.  Today, Charlie is at the groomers for his 'spring do.'  The groomer, Irina, who is originally from Romania, with her heavy accent scolded me for waiting so long to bring him in and for the extra weight he's put on over the winter.  Her 'lecture' ended with giving me free samples of a lower calorie kibble to try.

Once back home, Carl and I did a little bit of yard clean up.  Yesterday Rudi and Sheba found a dead mole in the yard that they both of course rolled on.  Carl was unable to find it again and I told him to take Rudi with him, and she'd show him where it was.  Not really believing me, he took her with him--As you can see in the picture, thrilled with the chance to roll on the mole again, she took him right to it.     

Tanner started his new medication on Monday.  The medication called 'Doxepin' has antihistamine effects in dogs but is labeled as an antidepressant.  As you know, his getting overly excited is when he has problems breathing.  So our hope is this medication will alleviate that.  So far, I've no idea if it's working or not. His breathing still sounds the same to me.  The precautions and side effects in taking the medication warn against his drinking and driving while taking it.  It also says that when taking Doxepin suicidal thoughts could develop.  I'm wondering how I will know if Tanner develops that urge to 'end it all?'  Will he start jumping off the three steps into the garage? Start tightening his collar?  Develop this urge to run out in front of cars?  How will I know?  I guess we'll all just have to keep an eye on him...

(Hamlet, front--Tanner foreground)

Too Much Excitement For Tanner



~Tanner~

Tanner has laryngeal paralysis.  This means that he has this hard edged panting along with throat clearing that sounds a lot like a goose honking or a loud "HRRRAAACH."  When he inhales there is a harsh edge sound similar to the wheeze of an asthmatic. These sounds are more pronounced and prolonged when he's excited or stressed. On Wednesday as the storm was starting to roll in I got the dogs outside, and something caused Tanner to not be able to catch his breath.  After several minutes of nothing more than a squeak from him as he tried to inhale, he started foaming from the mouth, his tongue and gums turned gray, and he collapsed. You know as well as I do that time is critical and I knew I had to get him to the animal emergency.  He was totally limp and I somehow managed to get him in the van.  Typically the drive would take about 20 minutes but with the storm, the road conditions were quickly deteriorating.  I tried to not panic but I have to admit that I really thought he was going to die before I got there--Along the way the sounds stopped all together.  I pulled over on the side of the road opened Tanner's mouth and pulled on his tongue and I heard and saw him take in a breath.   In just a minute or two he had his head up and by the time I got to the animal emergency Tanner was fine...The vet, no bigger than a pencil and looked to be about 12 years old, did an exam and x-rays.  She gave him an injection of a steroid in case he aspirated fluid or irritated his vocal cords.  Within the hour we were on our way home with the instructions to keep him quiet.  Other than his bark sounding a bit hoarse, he's been just fine.  

Yesterday afternoon Carl and I finished clearning out the last of the snow from our driveway.  We had the dogs outside with us and someone stopped by. Tanner became excited and just as a precaution I got him inside and away from the commotion--I figure that it's better to be safe than...well, you know...   

All in all a quiet weekend for us.  Another storm is predicted for Tuesday, but there won't be a snow-dance for this one.  I think we have enough snow, at least for right now.  I thought I'd end this post with a picture of Hamlet.  I thought he looked a bit regal standing in the snow.     

Mismatched Week and Mismatched Socks

It’s officially winter here in Virginia! Last week we were enjoying seasonably warm weather but fast forward to this week and the cold winds have been howling and we even had a little bit of snow today. 

I've been enjoying the last couple of planned days off work.  I've not been feeling well, so it's nice to have a break. 

Yesterday I was all set to take Tanner to see the opthamologist for a 4 month check up.  For once I was running on time, even taking him beforehand to the groomer for a nail-trim.  I called the office to confirm the time and was told that Tanner's appointment was today...So much for the good planning...We arrived today a little late.  Tanner's eye pressure is unchanged and the exam showed everything was fine, good news!  Today Tanner was seen by 2 Opthamologist, one was a man I'd never met before--He was a very tall, husky man that I figure was in his mid 50's.  He didn't introduce himself, so I'm guessing he was an opthamologist.  But when he sat down I noticed that he wore mismatched socks, one was light green, the other was dark brown.  He also wore a wrinkled white oxford shirt that had streaks of gray running through it. I really tried not to stare, but I know that I was.  He was such a contrast to the crisp white coat and neat appearance of the 'lady opthamologist' and the assistant that I couldn't help myself.  I had to wonder if he needed HIS eyes checked... 

On a final note, Hamlet is feeling really well and I feel like the last couple of days we have the 'old' Hamlet back!  The drains have been removed, and he's finally leaving the surgery site alone so for now he's not wearing the e-collar.  I do think he'll continue to wear a shirt and shoe for now.  But he is up and around much more and has returned to our room at night to sleep. Notice in the last picture of Hamlet that he is laying on his 'surgery side.'  It was the first time I'd seen him do that, and I think it has to be a good sign. I've started him back on the Chinese herbs in hopes that perhaps they will do some good this time. I know it's doing us 'some good' to see him feeling like the Hamlet we so very much adore!   

THANK-YOU!!

Our week is off to a running start. Carl is again working days this week and left the house this morning around 4 AM and will get home after I do this evening. (I think Carl likes to leave early because he doesn't have to make the bed!) So before my day goes into high gear, I wanted to thank those of you who took a moment from your lives and shared your thoughts, experiences, and gave support as we wade into the unknown with Tanner. After reading your comments, and also a link provided by "Shelia and Bob" I do think that a bit of dementia has set in for him. Since he's due to have his eyes checked again, I made an appointment for him to see the vet on Thursday. Whenever there's a change in one of our dogs, I think it's a good idea for the vet to see them to make sure nothing is being overlooked.

As you know, we have cared for several senior Goldens. But each one as they have reached this tender age and their years start to show, their path becomes unique and different from the one before. I can't help it, I always find myself a bit bewildered as we begin what we know is our final journey together. Of course I don't know how long it will be until it ends. However for now, I don't have to think about that; I firmly believe that despite these "senior moments" Tanner is happy and healthy. We will continue in the direction we've been taking with him and when he unknowingly veers off course we'll be his guide and his compass to help him get headed back in the right direction--Thank-goodness he doesn't drive or cook!

Concern for Tanner

Today I'm finding myself once again concerned about Tanner. Some of you know that he's a 13+ year old Golden that we've had for just over 2 years. He had treatment for glaucoma, and at the end of May had a bout of canine vestibular syndrome. While I think that he's about 98% back to where he was, I have my concerns about him since this occurred. Sometimes Tanner doesn't seem like he knows where he is--This has just started happening since he was hit with that. When I got home from church, I left the backdoor open so the dogs could go in and out. A little later when I went to shut the door I found Tanner laying in the grass in the pouring rain--When I called him he seemed a bit startled, but got up and came back inside, tail wagging like nothing was wrong. It was like all the sudden he clicked back into reality. This isn't the first time this has happened. We watch him very closely outside because he will sometimes wander off or just seem to walk aimlessly and end up in the bushes. While I know that he has limited eye-site because he's blind in his right eye, he still has vision in his left. I find it all a bit unsettling and a bit sad too...Is it maybe just old age or could it be as a result of the vestibular syndrome--Any thoughts?

A Candle For Maguire--But No Time to Grieve

When we started fostering the senior Goldens for the rescue almost 7 years ago, I knew that our time with them would be limited. But I felt strongly that these dogs that had been dealt a bad hand at the end of their lives, and who had so much wisdom, dignity and courage, should have a place to live out whatever time they had left, and leave this life with someone who truly cared about them. These Goldens have broken my heart when they left us. But I have never looked back and regretted for a moment taking in any of them, in fact, if given the chance, I would do it all over again. I feel that we have been given an extraordinary gift to love and be loved unconditionally in return. Maguire was no exception. I have no regrets in opening my heart and our home to him just a year and-a-half ago. While I've no idea what his life was like before he came to us, how old he was, or what his name had been, I know that the last part of his life, was one where he was cared for and loved. Letting him go today was a difficult choice. It was a lonely journey at times trying to decide what was best. But today, as I looked into Maguire's eyes and saw that love and the trust, my doubts left me, and I knew we had made the right choice and the best choice. I know that Maguire is now in a place where he can enjoy those things that he was no longer able to in this life. I have a candle lit to help him find his way, and I so hope he was met by our Goldens, Tod, Ben, Cougar, Tosh, Tucker, Scout, Kasey, Logan, Cubby and Cowboy and he has given them our message.

We left the vets office and decided to have a light lunch. As we sat there with Maguire's collar on the table, our waiter politely asked us about it. When we told him, he joined us in a toast to Maguire and our memories. Carl and I then had our lunch and recounted stories of him and the others that have gone before him.

We were feeling a bit uplifted although worn out and tired, and I was so looking forward to getting home and spending time with our other dogs. But it was not meant to be. When we got home, we found that one of the dogs had gotten sick several times while we were gone. We quickly realized it was Tanner, (our 13 year old Golden who was treated for glaucoma) and he was having difficulties standing and his eyes were moving side-to-side . Having had this happen with another senior Golden, I knew it was Geriatric Vestibular Syndrome. Off to the Animal Emergency Room. But not before I was stopped for speeding by one of Loudoun County's finest police officers...I quickly explained what my day had been and I opened the door to my van and showed him Tanner; I was off with a warning. I will spare you the details of my visit to the animal ER, and just say that Tanner is resting and has been given medications. It's hard to trust a vet that you've never met, but I am hoping and praying that we are on the right track and Tanner will be okay. How much more can my old and broken heart take?


Godspeed Maguire, my big handsome boy...

Tanner's Eye-Opening Visit

Its been about six weeks since our 13 year old Golden named Tanner had an "Intravitreal Gentamicin Injection" to treat his glaucoma. He has easily cleared the hurdles that have come afterwards and each of his post-op visits to the ophthalmologist has gone well--Today's visit was no exception. He was taken off another medication; we are now down from 6 meds to only 2!! As you can see by the picture taken today there is a change in the appearance of his eye--I am told that these changes are why some owners opt to have the eye removed. But for Tanner, because of his age and other health concerns, I felt strongly that it wasn't the best option for him. I still think he's still a handsome boy!!

Tanner was also a bit of a celebrity today at "The Life-Centre" where there were "visiting vets" who for some reason were anxious to see Tanner's eye--I don't know if it's because this procedure is (maybe?) not done that often, or because it isn't always successful when it is. But I felt like I was in class as the Ophthalmologist detailed his history to everyone. Each of them got to do a little eye exam and his picture was taken as well. Everyone commented on what a handsome and nice dog he is--Afterwards he signed autographs in the lobby and was the envy of the other patients --Of course I was so proud!

Tanner and a Cliche'

When Tanner started seeing the veterinary ophthalmologist early last summer they kept telling me that dogs who had undergone a permanent treatment for glaucoma felt so much better afterwards! They also told me that owners would comment that "they'd gotten their dogs back." Even in my reading about the procedure, I would see this same remark. I have to admit that I kind of found the comment to be a bit cliche' and corny. Well, its been just over a week since Tanner had his "Intravitreal Gentamicin Injection" and each day that has past, Tanner has felt better, and I now find myself saying that "I've gotten my dog back!" Funny how it no longer seems corny to say this...But I can't deny that he is interacting more with us, wagging his tail more than he has in a long time, and just seems happier. I finally understand what everyone meant by "getting their dog back," because I really have. I didn't know how much pain the glaucoma was causing him and how much it was taking away from his "quality of life" until we did this treatment. So because of how Tanner had been acting, I was feeling totally hopeful and cautiously optimistic for his post-op appointment today. I had to wait nearly an hour to be seen but it was worth the wait--Tanner's eye pressure which was almost 50 two weeks ago (which is the equivalent to a migraine headache) is now to low to measure. Needless to say, I am over the moon with this news!! This is what I hoped and prayed for!! It's a great feeling and a huge relief to be over the first hurdle, and to discontinue the use of one of the glaucoma medications! In 2 weeks for our next appointment we're crossing all paws and fingers that maybe it'll be another!

On the flip side, it is feeling like winter with high winds, temps at night in the 20's and 30's during the day; burrrrrr....We even had snow one night, and I did my snow dance to keep it coming down! I must have missed a step or two because it stopped...Rats!! I did however get out my heavier coat, found my gloves and scarf.

We're slowly getting ready for Christmas, and I got out my Williraye Nativity. I won it on eBay a couple of months ago, and when I set it out, I realized that it obviously needed the Wise Men too. So, I looked on eBay, found them and bought them. I really think when it's all put together, it'll look great!

I'm also trying to get my cards done, or is that started? Each year I take a picture of our dogs for the card, and this year, I just can't seem to get a photo that says "this is it!" This is a picture that I was considering...But I've taken some today using my 35mm camera (yes I'm still using film on occasion!) and I will have to wait to get them developed on Monday to see if I got the one I'm looking for!

Finally, I wanted to let everyone know how much I've enjoyed reading your blogs!! I love your pictures, reading about your families, your four-legged-family members, your preparation for the holidays and your everyday lives!! Thanks for stopping by for a minute to take a peek into mine!

A Short Cold Week

It's the end of a short work week, but a busy one that I got lost in. The weather has been rainy and cold, and the weathermen are predicting snow for Saturday. I love snow and continue to hope that we can get snowed in for a day or two out here in the country! Despite loving snow, I have to admit that I could do without the cold weather. I bought a new thermometer for our fence post because I finally had to stop believing that the old one was right, and it was really 70 degrees! This weekend I'll try to get the bird feeders set up to start feeding the hungry birds, and whatever else shows up. Last year we had a nice variety of birds from Chickadees to an owl. On the ground we had lots of squirrels, and in the springtime we even had a weasel--But we are a few months from spring!

Our 13 year old Golden, Tanner underwent treatment for glaucoma on Thursday. He had what's called an "Intravitreal Gentamicin Injection." This is where the antibiotic Gentamicin is injected into the eye, and kills the cells that produce aqueous humor--By getting rid of the fluid that's produced by the aqueous humor, it is supposed to reduce the eye pressure and (hopefully) get rid of the pain that he's been having for the last several months. The tech said he did "okay" on the anesthetic, which was my main concern because he has laryngeal paralysis. Today Tanner remains a bit on the wobbly side, and he's very quiet and sleeping a lot. I hope he'll perk up...In 10 days he goes back to the ophthalmologist to check his eye pressure. Until then, he stays on the same medications, plus one--That's six eye medications that he gets at twice daily, two others, three times. I really hope this worked.

Hamlet is doing pretty well. I know I've said this several times, but he really is a sweet, easy going and gentle Golden. He is starting to follow me around the house and interacts more with the other dogs. This week was the first time he seemed happy to see me when I got home from work--He was so cute smiling at me, wagging his tail and offering me his paw. I got an e-mail from the rescue asking me about putting him up on the website for adoption. I told them I didn't think that he was ready and needed some time. They seemed to understand that--However I have to admit that I said it mostly because my heart is telling me he should stay...